Tracy's Journal

Here is a picture of a band that is too tight! Look how the barium is not coming out the other side.

I went back to Dr. Aceves and I am so glad I did. I saw him on June 23rd. My sister and I went to Mexico with some other great people that we met on the van ride with Ernesto. (I think Ernesto is the sweetest man!!). Anyway, Dr. Aceves and Dr. Campos looked at my band together. Dr. Aceves only pulled out .5 cc's!! I was so shocked and upset. I figured I had a leak because Dr. Garwood said he put back in 3.2 when he did my leak test. And before that, i saw Dr. Peterson and I was supposed to have 3 and he only pulled out 2.5 so I was really thinking I had a leak. Dr. Aceves checked and rechecked everything and said he could only put in 1.8 because at 2 I was totally closed up. HOW CAN THAT BE?? I don't understand how I could have ever had 3cc if 2 totally closed me up? Well ok let me think logically. Maybe when I had 3 I weighed less. Yes, come to think about it I think I weighed 180. Although I haven't weighed I believe I am probably in the upper 180's to low 190's still. So maybe just that tiny bit of fat loss around the stomach? who knows? I just know that as of today, i still have restriction and Dr. Campos checked me the next day after my fill and it was all still there (By looking at the xray, not pulling it back out). So I guess I shouldn't bitch, I still have restriction. I am soooo glad my band is back to helping me because it was getting crazy.

Cliff and I would go out to eat and he would eat one small plate and I would be able to eat and eat. It was so depressing. I thought I was doing good though and I guess I was considering...I had hardly anything in my band!! I am surprised I didn't gain any more. Don't get me wrong the 30 lbs I gained back was not because I didn't have anything in my band. I believe at that time I did, I was just over eating, or grazing if you will. Meeting the love of your life might do that to you if you are a lover of food and going out to eat is your ultimate date! We have changed our ways however and now we go to the movies or go play tennis. But the 30 lbs came back on and so I started exercising and eating right again and I couldn't lose. So I went to get my band checked and apparently when Dr. Garwood was checking, he possibly didn't put it back in??? I don't know, and I don't want to blame him but fact is, I only had .5cc in my band when Dr. Aceves pulled it out and if I still have restriction now, it must mean it was pulled out. Purely an accident and I am sure it can happen to the best of them. But I basically paid $350 to have my fill pulled out!! What I think could have prevented that is if he did the leak test, then had me do another swallow test afterwards.

So why haven't I weighed? The scale is still the enemy for me. I am afraid of what I will see. Even when Sergio weighed me this time, I asked him not to tell me what it was. Oh, here is a cute picture of Sergio by the way:

He is also the sweetest, most kindest man. Held my hand during the whole fill procedure and told me I would be ok.

So I don't know what my weight is and I don't care. I am going by my clothes and right now my size 12's are getting a little looser but I am no way able to get to the size 10 jeans yet. At this point, I would be happy getting back to my size 10's. I weighed about 175-180 at that point and I felt I looked pretty good. Cliff and I have discovered that playing tennis is much more fun then walking around a track and is GREAT exercise. It get's our heart rates up and he really gets a good cardio workout, while I get a good fat burning and muscle work out.

I have no make up on and yes, I have dyed my hair brown just for the heck of it. This picture was taken right after I tried to convince him that I was on liquids for 3 weeks and didn't lose a pound. I know for sure he thought I had cheated. I just looked at him and said, "Don't worry, I wouldn't have believed me either".

Jayne is on the left and was there to get the Sleeve. Jill is on the right and was there to get an unfill as she could not eat or drink much.

And this is my sister who went with me for support and also to get some pain meds at the mexican pharmacy:

This was taken the night before she took any pills. I wish I had a picture of her the next morning but apparently what she thought she was buying was vicodin, ended up being Tylenol with codeine and she is allergic to codeine and was itchy and swollen. It was hillarious but not for her of course....LOL

And here is a picture of me, my sister, and my best friend since high school, Cathii

We were all dolled up for our 20 yr high school reunion. I think we look pretty damn good!!

I am not sure what my weight is and right now, I don't care. I did liquids for 3 weeks and I didn't lose a pound. I gave up and started eating mushy foods and I lost weight! WHAT THE???? I just don't get it. I know all about starvation mode and all that but come on! 3 weeks of nothing but liquids and watching every stinking calorie and nothing? I have witnesses that I stuck to 800 calories or less. What is wrong with my body?? Why is it torchering me?? I decided to stay away from the scale for a while because I was just getting depressed. Me and that scale are mortal enemies now. I was exercising (when I wasn't light headed) and my body just held on to every pound. I think it is time for me to get a full physical and blood work done. Something is wrong and I don't know if it is my thyroid (I am hypothyroid) or what. I just had my thyroid checked but only by a fly by night doctor, I don't have a regular doctor yet. I guess it is time to get one who knows what they are testing for. I went to him because I needed my medicine and didn't have time to schedule for a specialist. But I am really thinking it may be my thyroid. It is either that or I may be diabetic. I have been having issues for years with low blood sugar so I test my levels daily. Lately it has been high like in the 300's. For someone who normally has to eat just to keep it above 70, that is weird. Anyway, I am just venting my frustration today. I am glad I am still in a size 12 but when you have been to a size 8 you really can be yourself up. I went to a garage sale the other day and found a bunch of levi stretch size 8's for a dollar. I bought them not because I thought I would wear them but because I knew I could sell them on Ebay for at least $9.99 or more but it was sad.....that I couldn't buy them for myself.

I thought that when I did the liquids that I would quickly get back down to at least 170 so I was depressed when I didn't even lose a lb. I take that back, I lost a lb and then gained it back! Then I remember back when I was 280 and how hard it was to lose weight without the band. At least now I have the band and it is my helper but that doesn't help when you can't even lose weight on less then 800 calories a day. But yes, I went back on solids/mushies and suddenly I lost 2 lbs. But I also stopped looking at the scale. I don't know how much I weigh, I just go by my close. Some of my size 12 jeans are loose now. I guess I will just keep going and see where i get to.

In other news, I am getting married on May 22nd 2008! Yep, this month we are tying the knot! We are going to be having a ceremony in August so this month it is just the justice of the peace. We needed more time to save for a ceremony and there were other reasons we needed to get married sooner so we just decided to do it this way.

I hope those who are reading this and struggling because you have over a 100lbs to lose don't get mad at me because I am upset at needing to lose 20lbs. I remember being where you were and how hard the struggle was when you had to lose so much. But I tell you what, the struggle is still the same. Whether you have 200, 100, or just 20lbs to lose, the struggle is the same. If I work out and struggle and eat right and struggle and I only lose 1/4 of a lb in a week, imagine my frustration? I know the difference is the number, that frightening number that floats over your head saying LOOK AT ALL THIS WEIGHT YOU HAVE TO LOSE....and that is the only difference is the number. Hang in there. You guys your bodies will eventually listen (unless there is something medically wrong like I suspect with me). I always told people to just hang in there because eventually the plateau will eventually break. Change it up, do something different, your body will start losing again. But if you try, and I mean really try, and watch what you are eating, and you exercise and you STILL aren't losing, GO TO THE DOCTOR. Stop the struggle because there is something wrong. I will let you know what I find out!

Well do I have a lot to tell. I went to see Dr. Garwood in College Station Texas to get a check up on my band. I got to meet Nancy Cole and Deb from the Dr. Aceves bandster list which was awesome! Nancy really helped us out in getting a hotel room and then being my "photo journalist" for the adventure. First let me say that officially on the scale, I weighed 195!! This was with shoes and clothes on ok! So you have take off at least 3-4 lbs. I know I should have been writing this out for all my loyal readers (laugh). I was just so embarrased to have gained!! At first it was just 10 lbs, and I could live with that. But then as I kept ignoring the rules, eating more than I should, drinking with my meals, it just got out of hand. All my hard work of the past went down the drain. I was so upset with myself!! When I thought of all those mornings and nights during the exersize challenge that I got up and walked 2 miles all to just put the weight back on! I was so upset. But I knew first thing was first, I had to make sure my band was ok. So off to Dr. Garwoods I went (Thanks Nancy for the great recommendation, he was awesome!)

Ick look at that belly and double chin!! I already knew what the scale was going to say.

And here is the STAB!! Just kidding. It wasn't so bad. My port is tilted so he did have to move it around a little. As you can see, the flouro machine is right above where he is aiming.

And this is the screen that I can look at and watch my band, as well as the doctor.

And this is a close up of what was found. The upper dark spot is my esophagus, and the lower dark spot it my pouch. You can then see a portion of my band there as well. See how swollen my esophagus is? Even though the docs say only slightly, man to me it looks bigger then my pouch! No wonder why I could eat so much more. I had 3 stomachs!!

Here is another shot of just the pouch and the barium going into the larger stomach

Again, great smile Dr. Garwood! I love the shot with Dr. G but man, when I saw this all I could think of was "look how fat I look". I just have to remember, at least I am doing something about it now.

I did ask their permission to put their pictures on my site so if you are in the picture above, please let me know if you change your mind!!

So to make this short, I started liquids the day of my checkup. The doctor gave me a .5 cc fill and told me to stop overeating my band. I was just so happy I didn't have a leak or slip I was willing to do anything. He didnt tell me to go on liquids for too long, but I knew from others on the list what Dr. Aceves and Dr. Campos usually recommend was at least 3 weeks liquids. I upped it and said I would do 4. I was thinking it would help with weight loss. Well, it is at least helping with my dilated esophagus. I have been sticking to 800 calories or less in liquids and finally this morning the scale showed 189. I swear it kept saying 192 and I wanted to shoot it!! I have been exercising, and tracking every single calorie and to only lose so little...well it is very frustrating. You have to understand my scale at home before the trip was saying 192 so to get home from the fill after 2 days of liquids and have it still say 192...I was like huh???? I wouldn't have believed ANYONE if they told me they were taking in less then 800 calories, exercising, and not losing. I promise, I would not have believed them and would have secretly thought they were drinking milk shakes. I have a witness, Cliff, who can attest to what I have been drinking!! LOL.

So despite the slow metabolism thing, at least my band is ok. I think I am going to get some blood work done and a full physical to rule out any weird things going on with my thyroid since I do have hypothyroidism and just go from there.

Wow look at me, updating twice in the same week! Well I just wanted to talk a little about gurgling. Yes, if you have the band you know what i am talking about. The only thing I don't know is am I normal for the amount of gurgling that I am doing? I gurgle when I drink, and when I eat. At work it can be embarrassing because I could be drinking coffee, and someone walks up to me and starts talking and all that comes out of my mouth are these burping noises. It can be quite embarrassing. I of course pretend nothing is happening and so do the people i am talking to but still, I really hate it. When it first started happening I thought I was the only one who could hear it but my family has let me know that I am wrong. "Mom, you are gurgling again!" or "oooo gross you gurgled!" comes from my two boys. What is worse is my job requires me to be on the phone 8 hrs a day doing tech support. I wear one of those wireless headsets that has a great microphone placed right by my mouth. I know my customers hear me gurgling. I laugh when I think of what they must be thinking as they are waiting on hold "I wonder if I am going to get that gurgling lady??" Haha!

I really want to get back to Mexico to have my band checked. I want to see if I have stretched my pouch or what is happening. It would only cost me about $300 to fly in to San Diego and cross the border. I guess taking time off at work is a factor as well. I just really need to do it so I can stop worrying. If I could find a band doctor up here (Arlington, TX) that would be willing to look at me even though I had my surgery in Mexico, I would. So if you are reading this and you know of any doctors, please email me. Use the link on the left up at the top of this page.

Anyway, to all the people that are getting their surgery with Dr. Aceves, you won't regret it. He will take care of you not only pre-op and during surgery, but as many years post op as you will let him. He really cares about the well being of his patients.

Shoot me! I am so sorry to all my loyal readers out there. I have been getting emails and yes, I have been reading them but I just have not had any time to respond. So if you have emailed me, please accept my apologies. SO much has happened since August, where do I begin? We moved out of the apartment and into a house. Right before the move in September, someone broke in and stole all of our computers. In a family where we are both computer repair geeks, it was devastating. My laptop and 4 desktop's were stolen. All of my data had been backed up in June, but anything since then was lost. Even though I had logmein on my laptop and even to this day I can log in to my logmein account and see my stolen laptop when it gets online. We gave the Arlington, TX police all the information they needed to catch the guy and they have done NOTHING to get our stuff back. We even have the guys IP address thanks to logmein, and still they sit on their asses and do nothing. I am still paying Dell for that laptop. Well as you can tell, it angers me. But anyway, I couldn't update my page because of the software that I use to do this webpage. I finally have it back and can let everyone know what I have been up to. When that happened, It hink I lost what sanity I had. I mean I had just gone through this big life event, left a relationship of 8 years behind, met a wonderful man and moved in with him. Went from country living to city living, started a new job. All this stuff happening and bam, someone steals my stuff! It was too much. I think I had a nervous breakdown or something. I started eating things that weren't right for me and before I knew it, yes, I had gained 20 lbs! I am living proof you can eat around your band if you want to. I had always bounced between 165 and 170. Yeah, once I hit my goal of 160 I never really stayed there. I just bounced around. But when I gained, I got up to 185!! THen one day after thanksgiving, I got on the scale (stupid I know) and it said 191!!! I freaked out, started crying, and then when that was done, I cried some more. At first I felt sorry for myself but I knew I had to pick myself up. So I did. I went back on liquids for a few days just to give it a kick start and possible shrink my expanding pouch. Then I just stuck to protein drinks in the morning and for lunch, and an Atkins friendly meal for dinner. I haven't gotten back on the scale because I seriously think the scale is the devil. But I know from how my clothes are fitting that I am somewhere in the 170 range.

I have told myself I will not weigh until Feb 4th so I am sticking to that. I will post it here when I do. In the mean time, my stats on the right will stay as they are. It makes me feel better. :)

Ok, so I haven't been so good about updating my journal. Sorry everyone. For those of you who have emailed me and asked me "what up????" here is an update. I moved to Arlington, TX to be with my boo bear, Cliff. I moved up here on June 30th and started my new job on July 2nd. It has been quite an adjustment period for me and my two boys. For one thing, we were so used to living in the country, it was an adjustment period getting used to all the people and the traffic. I do love it up here though because there is so much to do. You can never say you are bored. But I have to get up at 5:30 so I can be at work by 7. I am not a morning person. Then driving home, I get off at 4 but don't get home until 5 or 5:30 due to traffic. And the first few weeks at my job were stressful and intimidating for me. People in suits and sitting in cubicles. But once I learned a little bit more, it wasn't so bad and I saw that they were people under those suits and now it isn't so bad. Cliff is an absolute angel of a man, and I don't say that lightly. He is everything i have ever wanted in a man and more. He is almost too good to be true. I love him very much and I am happy. As far as my weight goes, it has been going up and down. Once I hit my goal of 160 I didn't stay there long. For those most part I stayed around 168. But I must admit I have gained to 175 and I am trying to get if off. How have i gained it? Oh let's just say nightly trips for icecream and krispy creme can do it to you. My band is still tight, I just can eat around it when I want to. Cliff just got a fill today and he is up to 8.8 in his larger band. He is definitely feeling it. So that is my update folks!!

Well Dang! I guess I completely forgot about you guys?? LOL. No, not really, just trying to catch the curve balls life has been throwing at me. Curtis broke his foot, and moved back in temporarily so I could help him. Yeah, that was rough for both of us. He moved back out (again) this past weekend. In the meantime, some neat things have been going on in my life, namely a man named Cliff. We only just recently met, but I feel like we are soul mates. I know that sounds cheesy but it is just the way I feel. It cant be explained any other way and I have not felt this way about someone else in a long time if ever. We have a lot in common, namely he has the lapband too! Only we found this out about each other by accident. We met on myspace.com > I know, how strange huh ? But true. I did a search for friends within 150 miles of me, and he was one of the people that came up. I read his blog, sent him a message in response, and we have been getting to know each other ever since. So I welcome this next chapter in my life.

As for my band, well that little booger is tricky these days. I thought I needed an unfill but I stopped drinking soda and eating chocolate and my heartburn or reflux or whatever it was went away. Go figure! So I am doing good. In fact, I had gained up to 168 but now I am back to 163 (Thanks to Cliff, I don't think about food anymore ). So I am still holding steady with my band. I would love to go get it checked out but I do not have the money to go back to Mexico right now, so it will just have to wait.

Life, man sometimes it just takes over ya know? Those of you who are on Dr. Aceves list know that I have been having some problems in my personal life. In fact my last post I talked about some problems between Curtis and I. Well, we made it through the holidays thank goodness but then it just happened. We both decided it just wasn't working. We both tried. We both still love each other very much, but we are trying to be mature and realize that we are not good for each other right now. So he will be moving out soon, as soon as he can find a place. In fact, we had a rent house next door that he was going to move into but I figured that would not be healthy for either of us so he is looking for a place somewhere else. Curtis and I never legally married. So I guess it is good that I don't have to deal with divorce. But it hurts just the same, let me tell you. I still say none of this has anything to do with my weight loss or having the lapband. Trust me, I wish I could blame it on something.

So here I am, at the start of something new. I am scared, yet excited. I am 36 yrs old and single again. I think I will stay single for a while, get to know myself again, spend some time with the kids, get my life in order.

So about my band. Well I don't know if it is the stress, the holidays, or a combination of all of it, but I have been having some heartburn. I think it began with all the chocolate I was consuming, mainly fudge. When the fudge went away, I figured it was the stress of my situation. I started taking prilosec for 14 days periods. As long as I am taking that, I am ok. But I am not going to kid myself, I am going for an unfill. Two years ago I read on the OH message board of a bandster who ignored the signs of trouble. Heartburn at night, gurgling at night, more gurgling noises then normal. She ended up losing her band to erosion. I don't want that to happen to me so next month, when I have the money back from taxes, I am scheduling a tiny unfill. Probably .1 cc since I was not having any problems before this last fill.

So yeah, I am laying in bed at night, only having had a sip of water, and my band is making so much noise that I am wondering what the heck is going on. Yeah, probably the water coming back up through my pouch and esophagus. During the day, I take small sips of any liquid and I can hear it gurgling over the next 5 min. Not good. Eating, I can still eat breakfast, but I am limited. Only a few bites of eggs or 1/2 a bowl of oatmeal. Sometimes not even that. Lunch, I have to eat slowly which defeats the purpose of the band. Anyone who has a band knows that you can eat the same thing as a normal person if you stretch it out over time. Usually you don't want to because that thing in your head that tells you that you are full gets switched on and you stop. But if you are at a party, where everyone is non stop eating, it can be done.

So, I need an unfill. I wish I could get it done sooner then next month. In the mean time, I take the prilosec and pray the acid from my heart burn doesn't erode my esophagus. I WANT TO KEEP MY BAND!

Well hello everyone! No, I didn't drop off the face of the Earth. I just had some personal things going on that needed to be tended to. in other words. I didn't have time to get on the net much. Curtis and I hit an all time low and broke up for about a week in October/Nov. A week may not seem very long but it was a week of soul searching, conversation, and realization. We are now back together and giving it one more chance. So far so good but I am still holding my breath. Of course this all happened during my exercise challenge so that sucked. I mean I kept exercising, but I wasn't able to be the cheerleader for your guys that I wanted to be. For that, I am sorry. For so many people, like me, all they need is a little encouragement and to know someone is out there and I failed. I want you to know I am still here, even if I am going through something, I am still here. Email me anytime.

As far as weight loss, yeah isn't that weird? I lost 2 lbs over the holidays? Well it may not have been exactly over Thanksgiving, but I weighed this morning and was shocked to see I was under 160. I knew my clothes were a little looser but I thought it was my imagination LOL!! I guess another reason to love the band. Somedays I think i am eating so much when I am really just eating normal.

Ok, I am adjusting to eating normally and not worrying about my weight. In fact, it is very nice not to have to worry about every little thing I put in my mouth anymore. I have no psychological guilt. I have been eating chocolate like crazy and nope, no guilt! Last night Curtis took me out for Mexican food. I ordered a full order of fajita nachos so that I could take some home. I ended up having about 6, Curtis had about 5, and there was about 4 to take home. Yep you guessed it. I stayed up late and at around midnight, ate the other 4. WHO CARES! I am skinny!!! YEAHHHHHH!! For those newbies reading this who have some weight loss to go, this should be your mental goal. To get to where I am now where you no longer have to worry. Where food no longer controls you! Yes, I still feel like a fat person inside a skinny person's body. I don't think that will ever change. I still go to the plus size section because the style is cuter.Who knows, maybe someday I will design my own clothes!

Boy am I feeling good. My son JJ and I have started an exercise challenge that I am now extending to my online friends. We are walking 2 times a day for 30 min each time. We do 2 miles in 30 min, so we are doing 4 miles a day! If you would like to join our challenge, click here and read more about it. I would love to hear from everyone who is going to accept the challenge!

I also want to vent a little here. I just typed my weight into my own BMI calculator and it said......get this.... "26...prone to health risks". So I changed my weight one pound at a time until it said "Desirable" and guess what that weight is? 155!! Ok, I weighed 150-155 in high school so I know it is not impossible but man, was I disappointed to see that. I guess because I thought I was already desirable LOL. Everyone is telling me I don't need to lose any more and here this stupid BMI thing says differently. Well I intend to keep walking, trim the inches and I don't care if I get to 155 or not! Of course I will be happy if I do because that was my first goal before I changed it to 160. But I REFUSE to kill myself over 5lbs!

If I look at health charts, it makes me even madder! I consider myself to have a large frame. I am not tiny by any means. My ring size is still 8.5! Ok so it says for large frame I should weigh 140-159. I don't ever remember weighing 140 in my life. I have always (when a normal weight) weighed 150-155. I know that is practically a 20 lbs range but I hate seeing that lower number.

I will not obsess over it though. Like I said, I like where I am. Heck, I am in a size 8 for petes sake! When I was a size 28 I would look at someone in a size 8 and think "Skinny beee-utch!" LOL.

So here I am, holding steady. I haven't been weighing myself, I don't feel I have to! But I have gone a little crazy this weekend with grazing because it is raining out and nothing to do so I might weigh tomorrow to see the damage.

As you might have noticed, I have sponsors now. I decided this web site wasn't paying for itself so I thought I would try and help it along. Please support this sites sponsors if you feel the need. I tried to stick with companies that I like. The banana nut shake over to the left is really awesome and has 20 grams of protein per scoop. You can mix it with water or milk. And i still buy "just my size" lingerie. I love their bras and night clothes. Don't worry, I will try not to go too commercial. :)

OH MY GOD I am at GOAL!! I almost passed out when I got on the scale this morning! I guess I need to put the camera in the bathroom so I can snap a shot of my duck feet on the scale again. I have been exercising every day of the week, and at least 1 day of the weekend. I have been riding my bike and walking. Sometimes I walk on my lunch break. I figure since it doesn't take me long to eat anymore, I can use the time to exercise. I walk around a park that is close to my job. Yeah, I go back to work a little sweaty but oh well, I work with men, they don't care.

So I guess it is time to re-measure myself and post my stats from beginning to now. This feels so awesome! Yesterday I walked probably 1 1/2 miles and then came home and took Curtis out for an icecream. I hadn't had an icecream cone in over a month so I had a small vanilla. Then we got home and watched a movie and I ate a whole bag of popcorn. AND I STILL LOST 1 POUND. Goes to show you exercise does pay off!

This is incredible. When I think I was so scared to get another fill for fear of being too tight and I stayed the same weight for so long for no reason. Another reason to stay on top of your fills and really know yourself and your band. I have my last fill on September 6th and I was bouncing between 168 and 174. I think I weighed 174 for my appointment. (I was too embarrased to put that weight here!). Anyway, only 2 more lbs to goal! I am so excited! I can tell I am losing inches around my back area so I think I am going to go down a bra size. I have been wearing a 40. Yesterday I rode my bike about 4 miles and I sweated my butt off (well not literally lol!) It was definately a work out though with some tough hills. Oh but the down side, I started that monthly thing this morning so that means I will probably gain some water weight. But on the upside of that, I am usually tighter (more restricted) and so maybe that will help me balance out.

Oh, I am still wearing a size 8-10 stretch jean. I have not tried to wear regular 8's. Every brand is so different! But the 10's I have are getting baggy so it looks like I may have to go shopping again.

Yes! I cannot believe it! Of course I will probably go back up tomorrow. I have tried to be really good today but just now I had a catfish filet (fried with cornmeal), and a salad with Ranch Dressing. I got a total of 996 calories today. I think I normally have been hanging around 800 a day to lose so who knows what tomorrow will bring. (Tomorrow is the Dallas Cowboys game against Tennessee and I will probably snack!) Not to mention, I am going to see my friend Mike (see photo's of Mike on my photo page). I don't think I have seen him in person for 2 years. I will be taking lots of pictures.

Anyway, I feel really good about getting to 163. I am so close to my goal. My clothes feel great on me, nice and comfortable. I feel skinny for the first time in my life! Yes, I weighed about 150 in the Navy but who cares! I have never worked so hard in my life to get to where I am. I feel wonderful! I love my band!

Look at me look at me!! I am only 5 lbs from goal as of this morning!! I am so excited. This fill has been wonderful, and an eye opener for me as well. I only had .1cc put in and it has made a HUGE difference. I will be updating my "What do I eat?" page because all that has changed. The doctor told me "I am very tight", and even wasn't sure if he was going to leave the fill in place. I am so glad he did. In fact, I am going to email him and thank him for listening to me. I told him "No, I feel the barium going through, I think it will be ok." Of course he trusts me and knows I know my band. I would never jeopardize it and if I felt I was too tight, I would get an unfill immediately. I also know how to eat properly with the band, which I think is very important. I don't think I would have known how to adjust to this fill in the beginning because I was still learning about my band and how to eat with it. Now that I am a year and a half out, I know what to do if I feel something is stuck. So here is what I have learned with this fill:

2. I cannot drink more then a sip at a time. Before I could take a fairly large drink (not gulp) and not have to worry

3. If I take 2 bites of something in a row too fast, my band doesn't like it. I am now focusing on what I am eating, when I am eating it. No more eating and watching tv or on the computer. I sit at the table and really focus on my band and how it is reacting to food.

4. Even though the scale is moving, the inches aren't and that is because I am not exercising. I know if I exercise, my body will look and feel better.

5. I can now eat 1/2 cup to 3/4 cup of food and feel FULL. Yes, I said FULL. Not a different full feeling like before, but actually life before being banded type of full. And I do not want to eat for at least 4 hrs, sometimes longer. Some would say "oh but I eat even when I am not hungry". Well I used to too. But now I just don't want to. it is like that switch in my head has been turned off.

6. If I follow the rules and don't drink for at least 1 1/2 hrs after a meal, the full feeling lasts longer then 4 hrs.

I am still wearing size 8 10 but they look better on me. My flab that overflows over the top of my jeans is less which tells me something else. I will still need plastic surgery but maybe just a pannilectomy, and not the anchor cut. I need to work on my abs and my butt and legs. I took pictures today and I can see the flab still on my love handles, and back. So my next mission is to get back into my exercise routine. I am charging up my MP3 player as we speak!

I haven't weighed myself in a few days at home so I don't know what my weight is on my home scale. I think it is high though because the doctors office said 178 and that was with clothes and shoes and after I had eaten breakfast and lunch. So I don't know. Maybe 174? I hate it and that is why I decided to get a fill. I didn't want much, and again I left it up to the doc. He gave me a little over .1 cc he said. I have been so disgusted with myself in not being able to get to goal, but I have to say I have NOT been exercising either so it is NOT the bands fault. It is mine. But I figured getting things cinched up a bit wouldn't hurt either. I can tell the difference just with liquids. I will be on liquids for 3 more days so I wont know just how good it will be. I KNOW that i need to get in some exercise. I wish I didn't live in such a small town. I feel like if I had some local support, maybe a Gym, it would be easier. We have Curves but I have been there, done that. Too boring for me after so many months. I need variety in my work out.

Anyway, my fill doc is also a plastic surgeon and I had a great conversation with him about my options concerning my face. He talked about a thread lift, lifestyle lift, lipo, botox, etc. I decided whatever I do, I want it to be more permanent then botox (which only lasts 4 months). But on the other hand, just a lower face lift and neck lift is quoted at $13,000. That is in Grand Prairie Texas. I wonder what it would be in Mexico? hmmmmm

I keep jumping around like a jumping bean. I think my body really loves this weight and because I am in no hurry to get it past it, this is where it stays. But I think that is about to change. I am starting to see pictures of me and think "I need to get down to my goal". And some pants sizes are so weird. I fit into an 8 stretch jean, and a regular size 10. But some 12's still fit me although they are a little baggy. But I am starting to think my butt is still big and the roll of fat or skin or whatever that appears over my jeans is disgusting. I don't know if I will lose that of if I need it cut off but maybe it will be better if I lose a little more. Oh speaking of cutting things off. Check this picture out:

I have loose skin under my chin. Ok I call it my waddle. It is gross and I feel like an old lady. Can you see how gravity is not my friend? If you think that is bad, you should see my profile! I think I have decided the first plastic surgery I get (if I get it) will be a face lift/jaw line liposuction. Then the boobs, then the tummy, and maybe some lipo on my ass.

My my, time flies! Not much happening weight wise. I just can't seem to get these last 8 off but I am not trying either. I know, I know. I keep telling myself to get on the ball. I even started the swim aerobics, then the pool manager got sick and closed the pool down. I went walking one time, then decided I needed new songs on my mp3 player and haven't done that yet so that is another excuse. I really do love to walk too! Hmm, maybe my attitude will change when I want it bad enough. I am still happy in a size 8-10. But I am seeing my butt and my arms are still chunky. That is what I see anyway.

Work is going well, but stressful. I work with someone who is almost twice my age and very much like a "Mr. Magoo" when it comes to computer repair. Meaning he don't know squat but pretends he does. I am doing a majority of the repair work. But I have to say, he is a better salesmen (salesperson?) then I am and can sell 80 yr old ladies top of the line systems (that they don't need). He wont take tech calls, he transfers all of those to me even if I am busy. He doesn't know how to put someone on hold so he just sets the phone down and then forgets to tell me someone is on the phone for me. He tells people they have bad motherboards when all that is wrong is a bad modem. I am constantly going behind him and fixing what he can't and I am just plain tuckered out. But the man is a nice man for the most part, even though he is prejudiced and talks about customers behind their backs. He even told me about a time he walked into walmart and saw a "fat lady with a doctors mask on" and said "we should be the ones to worry about catching her "laziness". Then he looked at me, knowing I used to be big and said "At least you did something about it!". Remember, no one at work knows I had the lapband. I was so pissed at him that day. But it is just plain ignorance. He talks about "chinks" and ""those mexicans" but he doesn't dare say anything about black people because he knows I am with Curtis. Oh well, I will stop complaining. I know God will open a door for me soon.

In trying to get down to goal, I realized I have not measured in a long time. So I broke out the measuring tape and drum roll please........

Man, that is almost 5 feet!!! My god I have lost another me! Simply amazing, I am shocked. I had not measured Since October 05. At that time I was weighing around 195lbs. This has given me more gusto to get this job done. I will lose these last pounds!

But that is ok, I feel great being back at 168. I could really tell a difference with just a few extra pounds. In fact, Curtis and I went to Galveston again and I went from 171 to 177!!! 6 pounds!! I felt bloated, my size 10 pants were too tight, and my size 12 were fitting!! I had been ready to throw those out, good thing I didn't! I basically grazed on food non stop for 4 or 5 days. Yes, I had a great time, I ate the best ice cream (Ben and Jerry's, can't remember the flavor but it had chocolate and Baileys irish cream in it--YUMMM) But I sure paid for it. Yes, I have said it time and time again, but you CAN cheat the band. Eat a little, wait and hour, eat a little, wait, eat, wait, etc. But why would you want to? I say only for special occasions. I know if I stayed home all day like I used to when I was a stay at home mom, it would have been harder for me not to go to the fridge. So if you stay at home, work at home, etc, I think you should plan outdoor activities throughout your day. Or do something to get away from the fridge!

Ok, so what else have I been doing? Well, I have been working, learning new things about computer hardware and software. Every day I learn something new. I guess that is why I love what I do, it is challenging. But I tell you what, I could do without the drama. I work with a bunch of men, you would think there would be less drama but nope. It is like they are constantly competing against one another to see who is the biggest, baddest, smartest. YUCK!

Ok, so I have just started exercising again after my sciatic nerve problem. The local pool has opened up and have started tue and thur women's water aerobic classes. So that has kick started me and now I am trying to do something in between those days. It is amazing, I have lost 4 lbs in 4 days just because I started exercising. I swear I have not changed my calorie intake whatsoever! It just goes to show you what exercising does for a body.

I have lost most of what i gained but am holding steady at 169. I just can't seem to get back into the groove of exercise!! I can't believe how easy it is to get out of the habit. I actually do like to walk and ride my bike but I have to make it enjoyable. I have to have my mp3 player with all my favorite songs. I have to make sure it is during a time of the day when I have time. So many factors and I was doing so good before my sciatic nerve pain.

Then I went to Arizona and was put through family drama that i have yet to recover from. Then my grandma passed. It just seems that mentally, I have been going through hell and can't seem to recover. But by writing this out, it makes me realize that i have to take care of me. I have to get "me" back on track so I can get my family back on track. Otherwise, I will continue this cycle and not get anywhere with my weight loss. Yes, you do have to work hard with the band especially when you are this close to goal. But I can tell you this, I would have gained weight back by now (more then 5lbs -more like 20).

Everyone reading this knows about the diet "funk" that can happen. You get stalled, you get depressed, or you just stop trying. Before you know it, you have gained back the weight. The great thing about the band (or one of the great things) is it let's you take a break, but it doesn't let you go too far. It is always there to remind you. Another great thing is I am in my 14th month post op, I am this close to goal, and I still have restriction! I am comparing to gastric bypass where by now my pouch would have stretched and I would be eating more with no tool in place to stop me.

By 2 years out, I may have a problem with weight gain due to the pouch stretching. THAT IS WHY I LOVE THIS BAND!!! I have restriction now and will for as long as I want to (forever). This is also the reason we have to take care of our bands. Follow the rules, get our check ups, don't leave food in your pouch at bed time, don't irritate it by too many pb's, or too much spicy or acidy food, stay away from nsaids (motrin). Be good to the band and it will be good to you.

Yes, I have to admit I have not been doing too good this week. I can't pin point anything in particular except my night snacking. I have not been exercising either. I think a lack of caring has also been my problem. I have been enjoying my size and i have been enjoying food. But I have decided this weight gain has made me more accountable and it has also made me realize that I *DO* want to get down to my original goal. Everything that i have read as far as ideal body size for me recommends at least 150lbs for my height and bone structure. So I essentially have 23 more lbs to lose but honestly, I would be happy at 155 which was my original goal. My problem now is the loose skin so I am not sure I can get back to 155 without a tummy tuck and lipo. But I am on a new kick and feel like I need to get back on the exercise wagon.

Well, weight wise I am holding steady. I am not trying to lose right now. I feel pretty good where I am. Every day I think about how my lapband has saved my life. Really, I think if it weren't for the lapband, I would be very close to death. I was smoking, I was eating, I was not exercising. I was killing myself. I was suffocating.

On another note, I would like to put a picture up of me and my grandma that was taken a little over a year ago. My grandma passed away on April 22nd. She was loved by many many people and will be missed. I wish I had a new picture of me and her with my new "self". But grandma loved me no matter what size I was.

Did you guys think I had died or what? Nope, still here. Been losing a little without trying actually. I went on vacation (which ended up NOT being a vacation-long story ain't gonna go there) and lost a pound!

I really love my band. I get scared when I think something is wrong, like I get a pain or if I get a stomach ache. One time I messed up and drank a soda and it gave me so much pressure and gas that was built up either in my pouch or in my intestines and it felt like I was litterally dieing. I was *this* close to having Curtis drive me to the hospital. Then I let one loose (sorry if too much info) and I was much better. But I was soo worried there was something wrong with my band that I couldn't stand the thought of not having my band. What would I do? I would actually have to have will power and watch my quantities? It is like a nightmare! I love my band. I love that it is there making sure I don't overeat. I can be starving and my eyes are bigger than my stomach, then I eat something, and usually I can't finish the whole thing and I am full. What would I do if I didn't have that? I am now living like a normal person who has normal responses and reactions to food....I can't go back to the way I was. I now can push food away, a plate with food still on it! Imagine that!?

I know that the band is supposed to be in me the rest of my life. If i follow the rules and I am good to my band, it should be good to me. I try to limit my intake of coffee and tea and the only time I have taken Motrin/nsaids was when it was absolutely necessary for my sciatica. Otherwise, i take tyelenol even though it doesn't touch my mentral cramps. I figure I can live through 2 days of cramping with only tyelenol to take in order to treat my band right. If you are yet to be banded, you have to ask yourself "what sacrifices am I willing to make?" . Are you willing to:

1. Follow the band rules for the rest of your life? (Meat first, veggie, then a starch if you can fit it. No drinking for 1 hr after meals unless you want to graze lol or are in maintenence mode. Staying aways from nsaids and caffeine, etc)

2. Take care of your band by getting yearly exams (possible endoscopes) to makke sure the band is not eroding?

3. Possibly have to take a pill like zinc or folic acid to prevent or stop hair loss (so far the folic acid has been the only thing that stops my hair falling out) (side note: I still have not figured out why my hair is still falling out or more so, why I am low in folic acid. I eat everything I should, I am not starving myself, yet I was tested and have low folic acid levels)

4. Be willing to NOT get to eat plates full of food at public get togethers and restaurants?

5. Be willing to always sip your beverage, never gulp for the rest of your life? (remember when you are out working in your yard in the middle of summer and how good it feels to guzzle some water down? Can't do that any more without extreme pain and or PB)

Those are just some of the downsides to having the band. Really think about it because the band is not a temporary thing. I really love my band and have been able to adjust. Sometimes I wish I could eat a lot at a buffet but it is a fleeting thought as I quickly remember that if I could, I would be close to 300lbs again.

Anyway, sorry I had not updated. I have a new laptop and had to transfer all data over. I am now up and running again.

Argh! I keep going back and forth between 172 and 175. I actually shocked myself this morning by weighing 175 because I had been going back and forth between 172 and 174. So hell, I don't know other then I have been under a lot of stress. Curtis had a heart catheterization today. All the stress before this was....well stressfull! So they found no blockage but did find he has a slow heart rate and low white blood cell count. So we are still in the guessing game.

So stress eating has gotten the best of me in the evenings. I have been exercising though, otherwise I may have gained more. I am now up to 2 miles at least 4 times a week if not more. Oh and I bought a bathing suit for summer....size 12! I could have gotten size 10 but I just didn't like the way it looked. It is pink and cute. I might get a pic of me in it.

And hey there newbies!! Welcome to the world of Lapband!! I see a lot of people on Dr. Aceves yahoo group. Welcome all you losers! HA! Love you guys!

After my whirlwind weight loss, I haven't lost any more pounds but the inches are sliding off! My size 12's that still fit before are falling off now. Heck, I am spending too much money on clothes!! (but I love it!) But I am fighting HEAD HUNGER!

. I am really fighting the urge to put something in my mouth! So I have started chewing gum and sucking on cough drops. I KNOW that I am not hungry, but my head says "chew on something, put something in your mouth, eat eat eat".

Physical hunger I am right where I want to be. I am still having to remind myself that I need to eat meat, solid meat, for lunch and dinner first, then veggies. If I eat something like tuna at lunch, I am hungry sooner (within 3 hrs) but if I eat leftovers like meat loaf, or chicken, I stay full a lot longer.

Crazy...look how much I have lost in a short period of time! Well, it is tapering off. I have really loved watching the numbers drop again. I have already reached my goal of getting to 175 before my bandiversary. But my gosh, 6lbs in such a short period of time. It is amazing. I continue to feel full on smaller amounts but I feel I am still able to eat normally. I can still eat in the mornings, by evening I can eat a chicken thigh, some veggies, and maybe a couple bites of something else. I have no idea why I can eat so much when I think I am tighter then most who can eat little or less. I know my pouch isn't stretched. I still have not PB-ed, I chew well, but not overly. Hmm I guess we are all different. My fill doc said I was pretty tight, and yet I am able to eat in the morning. I do wish I had the same amount of restriction in the evening as I do in the morning. It would be nice. I tried eating some popcorn, now I can only eat half of a bag. LOL I am still into popcorn.

19 more lbs to go! This is just amazing. I love exercising again, my dogs love that I am exercising again LOL. Oh and get this.... I fit into a stretch size 10 Levi Straus Jean!! Ok, so they are stretch but I don't care!! I had another fitting room incident where I know the attendant overheard me hollering. "Just look at my ass! Just look at my ass!" hahah! I still don't know who the person is in the mirror when I first look. I have to take a second look to be sure it is me. I am still getting used to being called thin. I don't think I am thin. Will I always be a fat person inside?

OK, let's talk PLASTIC SURGERY! I have been reading the forums, just to get a sense of it. I am still not overly excited or seeking it, but I must say, my belly is gross looking. Flabby, loose skin, and my arms. I will have to take a new picture showing my arms. Really gross. I have to wear long sleeve or longer sleeve shirts. I am not looking forward to summer. I love winter, I can hide the flab. Oh, and have I mentioned my knees. Can we say skin cave? I can grab the skin above my knee and make a sufficient cave. That is what I get for weighing 300lbs at one point in my life. Gee, that would mean overall loss is 126lbs. WOW. Well, that is what I get , there is no way my skin could bounce back after such a dramatic weight gain and then holding on to that weight for so many years. I still say no amount of exercise can fix that problem. Only a surgeon will be able to fix it.

Can you believe it? I have lost 4 lbs in 4 days!! WOW!! Ok, so it was because I have been on liquids but like I like to say, there is nothing like a fill to break a plateau LOL!! So I went on clears for 2 days, full for 2 days, and mushies for 2 days. Today was my first day on solids. I think this fill is awesome!! I can still eat in the morning, even if it is only 1/2 cup of oatmeal. I try to drink my CIB too and have some coffee. ALL OK! For lunch, I sorta messed up and forgot to bring it BUT I had left yesterdays lunch there (I missed lunch at work because I ended up at home for lunch) so it was a "mushy" food lunch. Still I ate it at 11:30 and I didn't get hungry until 4pm. That is major for me. It was 1/2 cup of stew, and one stick of string cheese. It lasted 4 1/2 hrs! Then I didn't eat dinner until 7:30 because no one else in this house seems to know how to cook LOL. I then ate a credit card size of steak, a 1/4 cup of salad and a couple tablespoons of spinach. It made me so full. For the first time, I really was full. I mean before, I felt something, but it wasnt full. (I thought it was and I would tell people I was) It was the satisfied feeling or pain if ate too much but never the full feeling. I am sitting here full. It is amazing.

This is from .2 of a fill people. .2!! It goes to show you that small amounts really do make a big difference. Now I am on my way to my goal of getting down to 175 by my bandiversary. I thought I was stretching that a little too far but look at me! 1 lb away. AND I have lost 6lbs this month total. Ok, so I have to say I don't think it was just the liquids alone that had me losing the weight although it was a big part but I STARTED EXERCISING AGAIN!!. Yep, I started walking my dogs (I have 5 dogs, but I only walk 2 of them when I go). It has been awesome getting out and walking around the neighborhood. I forgot how fun it is! I also picked up my weights and started using them.

I am writing Dr. Peterson personally and thanking him for knowing EXACTLY how much fill I needed. For those still struggling with their fill level, all I can say is stay on top of it. It is up TO YOU on how restricted you are. Really look at the fill guidelines and follow them to a T. Get a fill when you need one and when you get restricted, check your hunger levels. Maybe you only need .1 or .2 to get you to that right level where you are not hungry every 3 hrs. It truly is amazing.

I forgot to post my fill experience, but I wrote in to the group so I will copy and paste it here:

Today: I am on my third day of liquids. I am feeling kinda week but ok. The scale hasn't moved even though I have been on liquids with probably only 400 calories a day if that. My body is saying "Everyone HOLD ON TO EVERYTHING YOU'VE GOT, SHE's TRYING TO STARVE US!!" LOL. I am proud of myself though, I have started exercising again! Check out my photo page for this months update!

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!! Today was a very nice day! I hope everyone else had a nice Valentines Day. Well, I am a little nervous because tomorrow I am going for another fill. I am nervous because I don't want to get filled too much. I am at a critical point where I do have restriction but I am getting hungry in between meals. Getting to know the band has been quite a challenge and knowing when to get a fill can be quite confusing. You want to be able eat at least a cup of food, but no more then 1 1/2 cups. (Some will differ with this). But if you are eating the required amount, but getting hungry sooner, you could need a fill. This could mean the pouch is emptying too quickly. So getting to the right fill level is absolutely necessary but VERY much reliant on the patient knowing themselves and the band very well. So this is where I am at. I am pretty sure I need a fill because of my hunger, but there are times when I can only eat a small amount (no less then a cup) and there are times where I east too fast and feel that feeling like I need to stop. So am I ready for a fill? I think so. I just hope it isn't too much. I hope I can see my band first, and then gauge the fill level. I know my doc will work with me. Dr. Dobson and his staff have been wonderful. So wish me luck! I will post tomorrow evening and let you know how it went.

YES!!! I actually made it to 180!! WHY? I stopped drinking with my meals, I guess I stayed full longer but I also paid more attention to my calories. I didn't deprive myself, but tried to keep the goal in mind. I DID IT!! Yeah ME!! So I actually reached my short term goal BEFORE my next fill coming this Wednesday. I am hoping this fill will help keep me full longer. As it is, I am only staying full for about 2-3hrs. OMG, i just realized I am only 25lbs away from my goal! I wonder if I should adjust my goal back to 160 which is where I originally had it? I am only considering because I already feel thin now in a size 12, what size will I be in if I weigh 155? I don't want to be too thin.......LOL!!!! (I got a good laugh off that one!). I am just so excited to be where I am now. I actually reached 180 a few days ago but thought it was too good to be true. So far it has stuck so I am officially announcing it! And Penny, thanks for the kick! Keep em coming!

Ok, so I haven't lost any weight in a while and I have to look long and hard at WHY. Ok, for the most part I haven't been eating the wrong foods. I rarely eat junk stuff. I have been drinking with my meals and THAT has got to stop. It was SOOO easy to get back into that habit and now I have to break myself of it. During the week, sometimes I bring something from home for lunch but in reality, not often. I usually grab a nacho supreme, or a piece of catfish from Chicken Express. So let's look at this logically: Until JUST NOW I had no idea what the calorie content was of the Nacho Supreme. I really didn't think it was THAT bad, but apparently it is. 430 calories, 25grams of fat, 37 carbs. WOW that is almost HALF of my daily calorie intake if I am trying to stay around 900. So ignorance is bliss! All this time I didn't know, but I had the information at my fingertips. Basically I have been a lazy bandster. Admittedly, I reached a great point in my weight loss where I felt great and didn't have the motivation to go further---until now.

I see myself falling back into my old habits of "its ok to eat that" and "It's ok to not follow the rules" and my eyes are NOW wide open. How easy was it for me to fall you ask? I got into a size 12 which was my goal size and I said "Hey, I made it!" and I quit trying. I really do feel good in size 12 but I realize I am still not healthy by all means. I quit exercising in October basically. (end of October, around my birthday). It was like I had gone so long being good that I wanted to give myself a break and guess what? That break turned into a 3 month long sabbatical from exercise. So rule of thumb: There are no breaks! None allowed when you are addicted to food. I am a food-a-holic and I have to realize that. Even with that band, I am not hungry, yet the head hunger just kills me on the weekends when I am home. I also have realized that I have a very terrible oral fixation problem. I don't know what else to call it. It feels like I have to have something in my mouth constantly. (That sounds really weird doesn't it?) Don't forget, I used to smoke. Now if I could just put a straw in my mouth or suck on a cough drop or SOMETHING else besides eating!! I think that is why I like popcorn because it keeps my mouth busy for so long with so many pieces lol!! So I am recognizing this problem and I am trying to find a solution.

I will address each of these problems one at a time and I pretty much know how to fix them. The last one is, I think I need a fill. No, I know I do. Even though I do have restriction, I can eat more then a cup to 2 cups depending on what the food is. I have this nagging fear at the back of my mind "What if you have stretched your pouch?". Because there have been times, especially in the evenings, where I overeat. An example is this evening. I am actually sitting here in pain as I type because I have eaten an entire bag of popcorn, the topping off of a Italian sausage slice of pizza, and 1 small bag of trail mix (the kind you can buy for 99cents at gas stations). Granted, we are watching the Superbowl, so I don't do this often but maybe 2 or 3 times a month is too much. The pain I am talking about is upper left side,right about where my band is, maybe lower. Is this pain from stretching the pouch? Is it permanently stretched? I do not eat like this all the time, does it only happen over time of constantly eating this way like I have heard? These are the questions I have that need to be answered. So I have made an appt to get a fill but BEFORE the fill, I want them to do the barium swallow and take a look at my pouch first. If it looks stretched in any way, they will probably have to unfill me to try and let it go back to normal size. I hope I have not stretched it and I hope I just need a fill to curb my appetite.

I had made an appointment with Dr. Dobson for this Wednesday, but because of Curtis having some health problems and needing to see a specialist on that day, I have to re-schedule. So it will probably be the 15th before I get a fill since they only do it on Wednesday. What am I getting at? Well, March 1st will be my one year Bandiversary. I don't have a specific number in mind but it would be nice to get down passed/under 180. Hmmmm 175? Maybe that is asking too much. LOL But just to say hey, I lost 100lbs in a year would be nice. I kind wanted to be at goal by now but I know I have done well to lose 100lbs so I am not complaining. Plus, it is no one's fault but my own for not being at goal. I could have been there or at least close if I had exercised and followed the rules. So If I get my fill on the 15th, most likely that will allow me to lose that last lb and at least be at 100lbs loss but could I possibly get down to 175? Well, that is my new goal. Plus, I want to get into size 10 since I found some really cute jeans that ALMOST fit me. Of course I bought them because I needed the motivation. PLUS I am going to see my family for the first time on March 22nd. I know they will be surprised and happy to see me the way I look now, but I would be lying if I said I didn't want to lose a little more before seeing them.

Sorry for the long update, I guess that's what happens when I don't update often. Thanks for reading this far. And thanks to all the "cheerleaders" I have out there!

Hey, I am still alive and didn't fall off the face of the planet! No, actually I am trying to get back in the swing of things with my band, and eating. You could say I am trying to become "one" with my band lol! What I really mean is, I am still trying to figure it out and get to know it. For example, some mornings I can literally feel my coffee drain out of my pouch. I can take a sip and count like 10 seconds before I can feel it drain out. Then other mornings, nothing, I am normal and can drink. Now I have tried to keep track of when I feel the tightest and yes, it is about 3 days before my period, and 2 days into my period. I actually love that time because I feel like I am just right. I am still eating, and that is the misconception. Just because I feel tighter doesn't mean I am starving. I am still eating the required amounts (1 to 1 1/2 cup of food, sometimes more if it is mushy) but the longevity is PERFECT. It lasts longer in my pouch when I am tighter and therefore I don't experience hunger.

I work full time and I think I am lucky in that respect because I am not around food all day and I keep busy. Lord knows what would happen if I stayed at home! I don't think about food as much but to be honest, food is still a big part of my life because of the band. There are things I just stay away from, like bread. I wasn't that fond of it before banding thanks to many years of Atkin's dieting but come on, who likes that "stuck" feeling? Not me! Sometimes I can get stuck but not PB, and that is sometimes worse because you are just waiting for it to go through the pouch. I PB-ed 2 days ago and I think it was the first time in months (I can't remember for sure, I would have to go back and read my journal) but anyway, I came home late, I hadn't eaten lunch because I was out on a service call. So here it was 6pm and I already had a client coming to my house to finish up her PC repair, so I grabbed a handful of walnuts out of a bag I had left over from Christmas (fudge!). So while I am talking to this client and finishing her software install, I get that stuck feeling. I tried to swallow it down, which sometimes works, but it didn't this time. So I start sliming which means I don't want to swallow because it is gross and I know if I do it will make the stuck feeling worse so I keep talking, all the while thinking "Will she care if I excuse myself so I can go wharf this puppy up?" lol! Finally it got to a point where I was hiccupping really bad (some bandsters will hiccup when they are full or when they have eaten too much, and that is my first sign that I have gone too far or eaten too fast or that I am stuck). So as I am hiccupping, little PB's are coming up and I can't breath and I race to the bathroom. One finger down, a piece of walnut came up, and I was all better. Smack! I had to skip dinner that night and was on liquids for the next morning and afternoon and had a light dinner.

Ok, I got off on a tangent, but what I really wanted to say is, I am still learning about my little buddy. I am teetering on the thought that I might need a slight fill only because I have noticed I am getting hungry sooner. And honestly, above all else, I think that is a very important factor. We have all been trained on portion control and we can all handle it to a certain extent but hunger? That is a physiological response from your body that means "YO!! Send it down woman!". For me, the most important thing the band does is control that hunger feeling. The satiety is awesome-----when the band works. I can't explain it but you feel normal-----finally-----after all this time----you aren't hungry every 2 hrs----you are normal and can go 4 to 5 hrs between meals like your co-workers without wanting to eat your hand off. It's awesome.

So I continue to learn and go forth in this banded journey and I am so glad you guys are here with me. Thanks for the emails, I do enjoy them even if I sometimes take forever to respond. I appreciate all the support and the kicks in the butt! Keep 'em coming!

Well, I am still the same weight, which is awesome considering I ate like a pig for the holidays. I mean I baked my little butt off and "tested" the results frequently. LOL! I ate so much food every day for a week between my job having parties and Curtis' family not to mention the egg nog and rum! I actually gained 2 lbs and lost it by this past tuesday. Ok, so I am talking about cheating the band. What is that you say? Well ok, I will tell you. With the band, you can only eat so much right? And you are not supposed to drink, right? Well to cheat the band, you eat, you get full, you drink a little, you eat some more, you wait a little while, you drink and eat some more. That is how you cheat the band. You graze like a mad cow. If you are the type of person that doesn't work, or has direct access to your home fridge you might want to re-think things a little. You better be a person with a strong will or determined to change for the better or you may find yourself cheating the band.

In the beginning, and still now, I do great during the week while at work. I leave the house at 8am and come home by 7pm. I am no where near a fridge (well truthfully, we do have one in the snack room that is full of candy bars and soda, and for some reason, it doesn't tempt me too much). But weekends, if I am home and have nothing to do, forgettaboutit! Munch munch munch. So YES you still have to have a strong resolve with the band. I am not going to bullshit anyone (and I can say that now that I am not an official "Post op coordinator" lol) , having the band is like having a great friend or a personal "diet" trainer. It shows up when you think no one is watching and says "um, I don't think so!", and it reminds you why you got it in the first place because you can't control your food intake so it is there to control it for you.

But it can't if you cheat it so you have to be very careful. I have to say it is nice to be able to eat "normally" in front of others by using this method. As long as you do not do it all the time, or like me, for special occasions and holidays, I think it is ok. (MY OPINION!) If you do it all the time, you are not only cheating the band, you are cheating yourself.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everyone!!! I am sorry I haven't been updating. Busy busy busy. I think I have most of my Christmas shopping done, thank goodness. I have been slowly losing, I have started exercising somewhat. I started walking during my lunch hour. It is freezing here, yes in Texas!! I have noticed...that I am freezing all the time now! I kinda like it, in a demented sort of way lol! Because I used to always be hot, and I used to always have the air conditioner on. Now I am buying warm blankets and sweatshirts.

I am 3lbs away from a hundred lb loss!! I am so close, and I can't believe I am not trying harder to get there. But at least I have started exercising again. My muscles yelled at me afterward for walking 1 mile for 2 days in a row. It only reminded me that I should do it more often. I wrote this to a list that I am on and wanted to share. Click away if you are a prude LOL:

1. I can cross my legs at the knee now.
2. I can turn around to back out of the driveway without getting out of breath

14. I still think like I am fat, ie I still grab clothing that is too big for me

Well, I haven't lost much weight and I haven't been exercising. Someone has yet to cyber slap me into exercising lol. I seriously cannot find time. I can't get up earlier then I do ...ok I can...I know. I just can't see myself doing that regularly. Then I leave and I am gone all day until 6pm. I thought about going for a walk around a local track on my lunch break so I went to do that and saw the high school kids out there at that time. So that stopped me. No way do I want a bunch of high schoolers gawking at me haha! So here is where I am emotionally:

I feel good in my skin. I feel great in a size 12. Those that are overweight know what I mean about feeling good in my own skin. When you are fat, you don't feel comfortable. Physically and mentally. You can't walk into a room without thinking about what OTHERS are thinking of you. You can't sit into a theatre seat without physically being uncomfortable and wondering if the person next to you is wishing you would move so they can have their arm rest back. How about when you are trying to back out of your drive way and you hit something because you are too fat to turn around enough to see behind you? That happened to me. Or how that seat belt digs into you on your hip where it clips?

So physically I am feeling great about how I look. I no longer care so much about how I look walking into a room. I don't try to over compensate by doing my hair and make up or I should say.....overkill. I also speak my mind, which is so cool. To watch my co-workers faces as I speak up, I know they are thinking "Sheesh, she has an attitude now!" Hhahah! I have CONFIDENCE!

Don't get me wrong, I still want to be healthy and no longer "Obese". I still have 30lbs to lose and I WILL. Trust me, I will get on a "kick" again and it will start coming off. I just want people to know if I had been working the band this last month, I probably could have lost more then I have but I am still LOSING!! That is what is so perfect about the band. I am not even trying and I am losing. I guess it goes to show you if you work the band it will pay off faster. Eat right, exercise, lose weight faster. Or don't and still lose weight but at a slower pace.

I wanted to say hey to a bandster friend of mine who just found out her band is slipped. She had a fill that was too tight and didn't go back to get unfilled. Hard lesson to learn but I am glad she is ok. Keep your head up and I will pray that the unfill will solve the problem and get you back to normal girl!

Somebody slap me! I can't seem to get back in the "groove". I am not eating wrong any more, I have gotten back on track with that. But i can't seem to get out and exercise. I know I know, NO EXCUSES and I have none. I quit curves because I got tired with it. But I still love to ride my bike ONLY with the time change, I don't get home until dark. So no bike riding. I just have to figure something else out and I will. Even without exercise I lost a pound. Go figure! But I could have lost a LOT more by now had I been exercising. The other day I looked at my numbers and was like "OMG, I am only 7lbs away from a 100lb loss!!" that is amazing to me. Think about how many lb's of hamburger meat...I mean seriously picture that. That is amazing. If you are reading this and thinking "Nah, I can't do it" YES YOU CAN! The band is a tool (yeah yeah, blah blah right?) but it is and you can tell when you don't use that tool right, you wont lose as fast if at all. Tonight for the first time in 7 months, I ate rocky road ice cream. Real rocky road, not fat free or no sugar added. I ate a whole pint! Yep, it went down, no sliming, no PB-ing. So YEAH you can cheat the band. But the good news is, when you are first banded, you want to change your life. Then you see the scale moving, and that motivates you, then your friends and family notice and that motivates you even more!! So that is the encouragement you receive from NOT cheating the band so once in a while, it is ok to satisfy your craving. Do you have the will power to make it only ONCE in a while? That is the big question because believe me, you can cheat this band and if you are not serious about this change in your life then you will not lose weight.

On to other news, I have decided to stop being a post op coordinator for Dr. Aceves. My life is just too hectic right now, and I started feeling like I was neglecting my family. (Curtis was starting to think I was having an online affair because I spent so much time on the computer!! LOL J/K!!) Zach has been having some issues in school, he probably is just in need of a break. I will still l be here for you guys!! I just won't have the official title. Who knows, I may start back when things aren't so hectic. That is what is great about working with Nina and Dr. A, they are flexible! Oh, and if you would like to kick me in the pants for not exercising, please do so by clicking here.

Hey everyone! Thanks for all the support emails from my last journal entry. I think I got over 50! You guys are awesome! It goes to show there are some great people on the internet, you just have to weed out the bad ones. I have to say that Nina and Dr. Aceves have been a great support as well, backing me 100% percent.

Things have been going great for me, even losing another lb when I wasn't even trying. I LOVE my band! We got through my birthday, then a Halloween party, then my youngest son's birthday, had lots of candy and food and margarita's. Before someone thinks I am a drunk, I better explain that I am just a social drinker, and before my birthday I think the last drink I had was at Christmas last year. It just happens that we had a big bash for my birthday, not only celebrating my birthday but my weight loss, then the next day my friend threw a huge Halloween party where liquor was available. So I had a big weekend lol. I really thought I would have gained weight too but I didn't.

My youngest son, Zach, has been sick over this last weekend. Poor little guy has a hard time communicating enough as it is (for those that haven't read my "about me" page, he is autistic). I think he is finally over it though, if I can just get him to understand that he is over it. Autism is funny, once they get into a habit or routine, it is hard to break them. Since he has been vomiting since Sunday, he might think it is something he must do to complete his routine.

Hey, this is a shout out to all the new people on the Dr. Aceves yahoo group! Thanks for visiting my site and if you have any questions, please email me!

Nope, weight has not changed but that is ok because starting last friday on my birthday (the 28th) I drank like a drunk, ate like a pig, and basically enjoyed myself from Friday through Sunday. Saturday night went to a halloween party, ate so much, drank. I just knew I was going to gain, and I did....like 1 lb which I lost by monday not even trying! So it goes to show you the band is awesome!

I would like to take this opportunity to thank all the people who support me and what I do for Dr. Aceves. If it weren't for you, I would not have been able to get through the past couple of weeks.

You see, there are some very hateful people that I have had the misfortune of knowing on the internet. It seems their sole purpose is to discredit me and be vicious. All I have ever tried to do is help someone, and to be honest, I don't get paid enough to put up with the crap. But that is just it, I am not doing it for the money (because believe me, I couldn't make it without my day job). I do it because I love to help others. I want others to succeed like I have with the Lapband. If I get on to you because you ate buffalo wings 7 days post op, it is because I care! But instead of taking helpful advice, some of these people (I will call them "haters") have decided to defame my character instead of welcoming the advice. Some of these people have even questioned my background as nurse. At first I felt like I shouldn't have to even defend myself, I know who I am and what I have done. Right? But to me this is personal. These people (or one person in particular) is telling people that I am a liar. Why would I lie about my life? I have nothing to gain. This is my personal website that I have created to help others. I do not benefit from lying. I told this person that my being a nurse doesn't mean crap basically, that what meant the most was experience with the band. (This was in response to her accusing me of not being qualified to be a post op coordinator). So anyway I said it doesn't matter but I was a nurse for 10 yrs and THAT doesn't even qualify me, it is my experience that qualifies me, plus the years of research I did before banding. She defamed my character on an email group which is against the law. She claims she looked up my nurses license by using my name and since she couldn't find it, I must not be a nurse. Yeah, this person didn't stop to think that I have been married and divorced twice and therefore could have had a different last name at different times in my life? Also what might be of interest is that I am originally from California, not Texas where I currently reside. So there, I had to address this because this person or persons are leading people like the pied piper and I thought you, my supporters, might want to know what has been happening with me. I have been hurt by this but I decided that those people are mean and vicious and there is nothing I can do but continue to help others and live my life the best way I know how.

OMG I AM IN THE 180's!!! WOO WOO, OH YEAH. (Picture the song, I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt...." oh yeah baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't freaking believe it! I am now in a size 12 weighing 189! I have been waiting sooo long and I did it before my birthday!! I don't have much time this morning, gotta get ready for work but I just had to update you guys!

Hey!! Looky looky!! I got to 190 this morning!! I am pretty happy with my progress. I am so close to my goal that I CANNOT believe it myself. Today I went to walmart on my lunch break to pass some time. I decided to try on some jeans, just to see how far away I was. I have been wearing size 16's for like 2 months I think. Anyway, I grabbed a pair of 14's and a pair of 12's. I went into the dressing room. Not wanting to dissapoint myself right off the bat, I try on the 14's thinking surely I could maybe get them past my thighs. I put my right leg in, a sure sign that if it would fit, the other one would. So far so good, got the pants up to my knees. Pulled them up to my thighs, holy cow so far so good, then WHAM up over my hips with room to spare. Buttoned them up, and a bunch of room in the tummy and butt. NO FREAKING WAY I am thinking. So I rip them off and look at the size 12's out of the corner of my eye. (picture this: the western song they play when the bad guy and the good guy are about to shoot it out.) So I am looking at this pair of size 12's and I am thinking "Ok, listen up. I know I haven't seen you in a while....well 14 yrs to be exact, but that is no reason to have hard feelings you hear? Now if I grab you and put you on, are you going to play nice and fit me? I promise to never leave you again (unless I visit your cousin, size 10)". So before they can change their mind, I grab the jeans and slip them on. Now I am jumping around the dressing room screaming in silence and checking out my ass LOL. I FIT INTO SIZE 12 MISSES LEVI STRAUS JEANS!!

Ok, so here is the weird thing. How did I go from 16's to 12? Ok I know manufacturers are different, and my size 16's that I where the most are faded glory, but my other size 16's are Levi Straus and they still fit, perhaps slightly lose, but not by much. So all this time I am thinking "Man, I have been in this size for a while now, what is happening?". Ok, the other weird thing is....when I look in the mirror I KNOW I am thinner but I see the same ol Tracy! And I am talking the same ol Tracy I have always seen even in size 26. Why is that? When I was a 26/28 I used to try and remember what I looked like as a size 12 and I couldn't. I had to bring out photo's to try and remember and then it would come back to me. So now I AM a size 12, and I am like....ok this is weird, I distinctly remember being in a size 12 and weighing 160. I am 30lbs more then that, how the heck?? Have sizes changed in the last 14 yrs ? LOL. Or is my memory faulty and I was perhaps in a size 10 and can't remember? Yeah, with my memory, that is a possibility LOL. Well anyway, I just thought I would share that "weirdness" with you guys.

A note to my loyal readers....THANKS so much for being there for me. Today a woman by the name of "TJ" walked up to me in Walmart and whispered "Tracy???? It's me, TJ, I emailed you a while back about your surgery? You look awesome!!" and she went on to whisper that she was whispering because she remembered I didn't want anyone local to know I had the surgery. TJ, if you are reading, I was so taken aback that ANYONE from the "lapband" world was standing right in front of me, I am afraid I didn't respond too well. I just want to say THANK YOU for being the first person from the internet to ever meet me in person and give me a compliment. I was so shocked, I didn't even ask how you were in Eastland when you said you were from San Antonio! Please write to me girl!

Yes, I am at 191 and I am thinking "hey, maybe I can get below 190 before my birthday?" I am losing an average of 2lbs a week still, I think I may be able to swing it! Tonight, I rode my bike many many miles. I need to hop in my car and drive the same route to figure it out but man, I am thinking 5 miles at least! (Note: Later I drove my car and it ended up being 5.1 miles!) I know my legs will tell me all about it tomorrow. But DAMN I feel good!! I went up 4 or 5 tough hills and I didn't walk my bike once! YEAH ME!

Ok, so my birthday is on the 28th, 3 days before Halloween. I am excited because I think for the first time, I am going to have a costume party. Yes, I am going to be 35yrs old and I am going to have a costume party! I have never had one! I invited my co-workers, but I seriously doubt any of them will come. If they do, they will see a totally different Tracy that is for sure. Let's just say I plan to party! I don't drink very often at all, only for special occasions and this occasion is going to be pretty special!

Finally I have broke this last plateau!! Man, I thought I would never get through. Of course, it is my own fault for not eating right once I got under 200lbs. But now I am back on track and going to curves and exercising. It is SO EASY to stop doing that, ya know? It is like I have that little devil on one shoulder saying "Nah, do it tomorrow! Rest! Relax!" and the angel on the other side saying "Don't listen to him Tracy! Get your butt off the couch!". LOL

My new goal is to reach 100lb loss by thanksgiving. I don't know if I will make it since I slowed down. I still have 12 more lbs to go in a little over a month and a half. It would be nice!! I guess I will have to work extra hard!

Now on to some comments I have been wanting to make: I love helping people with their band, that is why I became a post op care coordinator for my doctor. Recently I was told by someone that I was not qualified for the position so I would just like to state here how I feel about that. I was a hospital corpsman in the Navy which is equivalent to a LVN in the civilian world. After the navy, I got my LVN license by taking a test and was a home health nurse for 10 years plus worked in various other situations like nursing homes, hospice, and mentally handicapped homes. I got out of nursing because I was never truly happy doing it. Instead, I went back to school for computer information technology. So that is my background. In 2002 I started researching the Lap Band for a friend of mine (you can see his photo on my photo page). That is when I became interested in the lapband for myself. So from 2002 until I had my own surgery in March of 2005 I researched, was on several email lists, talked to hundreds of people on the phone, basically drowned myself in information about the band. I love to research, I graduated with honors with a 3.9. A lot of college work is researching for essays, history exams, etc, so believe me, research is right up my alley. That is why I think I am qualified to give advice and help people. Now does this mean I know everything? Certainly not and if I come across that way, I am sorry.

But let me say this: A person who is only post op a week or two, no matter their background, CANNOT know more then someone 7 months post op. They simply have not had the experience that it takes to understand what they have inside of them yet. I think it is sad if that person will not listen to any advice they are given because they think they know more and don't have to listen.

Pitiful isn't it? I haven't lost any weight since the 24th of September. What is more pitiful is it isn't the bands fault. I stopped exercising, and I started eating junk!! Yeah, I know! BAD BAD ME!

. So what have I been eating you ask? Well I have been snacking on mini snickers bars, and sugar free chocolate (too much of it). I have also been drinking with my meals. Not all the time, but in the evening which is the worst time. All the while KNOWING I am doing it and even giving excuses for it. So today was a new day! I didn't drink with my meals, I came home and made sauteed mushrooms and squash, and ate about 1/2 cup and was FULL. I did eat one Russel Stover chocolate which is about 40 calories, and one tootsie pop for 60 calories, but that was my only cheat for the day! I came home and rode my bike with Curtis, and THEN did Pilates off a DVD.

. So Yes, today was a new day and I think I did well.

So I had to ask myself why? Why did I get under 200 and then "give up" ? Or at least that is what it seems like. Don't I want to get to goal? Maybe I don't subconciously, I don't know. But I need to get to the bottom of it. Maybe it was because for so long I just wanted to get to 199 and now I have nothing to strive for that is so far away? I guess I just need to make a really big deal out of getting to 155. Yes, I am changing my goal to 155. That is what I weighed when I joined the navy, and I was feeling pretty good at that weight. So yes, 155. Now....a time frame. That is roughly 40lbs I need to lose. I need to give myself 6 months I think to get there. (4 months would be pushing it don't you think?). So by April 1st .....Oh that is too funny. April fools huh? Welll, maybe I should ask what you guys think? Email me and let me know what a good date should be. Take into consideration that I have lost an average of 8lbs a month.

Life with my third fill has been pretty good. I dare say I thought my last fill was my sweet spot but this one seems to be pretty good. I feel more restriction with this fill, but not too much that I can't eat. It does stop me sooner, from eating too much. I cannot eat a whole bag of popcorn in one sitting like before. But today I ate all day long and drank because we had company. I know tomorrow I will be back to the usual eating for me. That is what I like about the band. It gives me a choice yet still keeps me in check. If I choose, I can eat things that I want but don't necessarily need. I can drink when I eat if I want to "cheat" or eat around the band. But even then the band does NOT let me go too far. Plus, I guess I am disciplined enough to know how to get back on track.

So far I have not PB-ed on this last fill. It makes me wonder if my theory is correct. First, I am more conscience of my chewing because I know I am tighter, but I also feel like things are taking longer to go through, and therefore my stomach is trying to digest things and possibly making it easier to go through when it does? Funny, it made more sense in my head then typing it out LOL. I guess you could picture a piece of food that wasn't necessarily chewed well sitting inside the pouch....it wants to go down through the stoma because gravity says it must, but the hole is much smaller, so it can't go just yet. So it sits in my pouch and sorta disolves a little more, allowing it to fit through the stoma and not cause me to PB. Hmmm yeah, that made more sense--NOT! I give up, it is late and I am rambling. If any of this made sense, drop me a line would ya?

Ok, so not such a pretty shot of my flat, platypus feet but hey!! I REACHED ONDERLAND SO I DON'T CARE!!! LOOK LOOK LOOK 198.5!!! Yes, I am so neurotic that I got my boyfriend up at 7am just to take this shot!! (I couldn't take it myself, the camera added more weight, silly!) I am definitely doing the old guy dance now!!

Yesterday I had my third fill! And boy, I think it is tight! I can only take small sips and can feel it draining from my pouch to my stomach. I wanted it to be tighter I just hope it is not too tight. I will be on liquids for 3 more days and then I can have mushies for 2 days before starting solids again. I am anxious about the solids, I know I will need to take it easy and chew chew chew. I won't post a new xray picture because the new one is about the same. Except my pouch looks slightly bigger in the new one. Just a different angle. This fill went about the same way. I asked for a small fill, he gave me .5 so now I am up to 3.0 in my 4 cc band. I don't think I will need another fill, but who knows. Everyone at the office commented that my face was looking thinner. That made me feel good. Oh I have to mention that Dr. Peterson did my fill again this time and I really like him. He does a great job. If you are up in the Grand Prairie, TX area, I definitely recommend him. There number is 972-660-3188 . Helen, their receptionist, is really nice too.

I can't believe it!! I am 1lb away from 199.5!! Just ONE pound!! I am not going to get my hopes up about reaching there tomorrow, or even the next day.....OH WHO AM I KIDDING?? YES I WILL!! I will probably not sleep well tonight thinking about the scale saying 199. I will pictures those numbers in my mind, and how they will look on my scale. I will dream about those numbers!! It has been so long since I have been able to say I have a "1" in front of my weight. TOO LONG. Gee, september 1st I weighed 204.5 and 7 days later I have lost 4 lbs!! Now I like that kind of loss!! I wish it was all the time, but I will take what I can. I know only overweight people understand my excitement. I am at the brink....I am standing on the edge of the cliff. 200+ on the land side, and 199- in the valley. Of course I have a hang glider on my back but I am ready to LEAP into the land of the "ones" or what we all love to call "ONDERLAND" . Oh yeah, doing the dance. You know the one. Click here to listen to the music I dance to like the old guy at 6 flags. (keep listening past the intro, it will sound familiar real fast!) Then picture me doing the dance!! LOL

Isn't it cool? I don't know why I lose faster at the beginning of the month but in the last 7 days I have lost a 3.5 lbs. I am only 4 lbs away from 199!!! I can't believe it!! I just had to share. Every morning I get up all excited to see if I have lost any more. I can't remember the last time I weighed 203 or even close to 200. I guess I do know, I was 21 and pregnant with my first born 14 yrs ago. I started at 150lbs and had him at 225lbs. What is so neat is that I KNOW this weight is gone for good. Unless, God forbid, something happens to my band. I hope it stays with me forever.

Oh yeah!! FInally got past 206!! And just in time for my monthly progress report!! I know I have not been losing as fast lately but I am hopefully going to be getting a slight fill soon to help that. I am still well within the 1-2 lbs per week loss, even if it isn't consistent loss. I would like to be losing 10lbs a month. Today is also my BANDIVERSARY!! It has been 6 months since my surgery and I have lost a total of 75.5lbs!! I am really on cloud nine just because I have made it this far, I have done so well, and I am still losing even though I haven't exercised much because of injuries. Overall, it has been a great month! I am only 5 lbs away from getting under 200!!

I am so tired of weighing between 206 and 208!! I just keep bouncing between these two pounds and grrrr I just want to get to 205!! Ok, I would like to get to 202 but I don't see that happening before the 1st like I wanted. I haven't really tried a plateau buster, and I haven't killed myself exercising, maybe I just don't have it in me this week. I am trying to schedule a fill with Dr. Aceves and we can't seem to coordinate because I need to come on a weekend. If not, I will go to Dr. Dobson. I have noticed over the last 2 weeks that I am getting hungry sooner, the food isn't sticking with me for long. So I am thinking .1 or .3 of a fill to get me closed up a little more. I don't need much, just a little I think. I need to get over this hump.

I am still losing hair badly and I can't figure out why. I am getting in enough protein. I stopped taking the zinc and the vitamins because it just didn't seem to make a difference. I do get vitamins in the propel that I drink once in a while and protein drinks. Today I had this strange thought..."What if I am allergic to the band?" and that is why my hair is falling out. LOL me? A worrier? NAH!!! I love my band and I worry that someone will take it from me or I will have to get it out...even at 5 1/2 months post op I worry! I just can't figure out why the hair is falling out and I am thinking I need to get a check up with my hormones because even though I had all that tested before surgery, I have been known to go through major changes after a surgery. I will keep you guys posted!

Ok, so much for "Tracy's challenge"! I gained back up to 209 yesterday morning!! I couldn't figure that out because I didnt do anything different that I could think of. But then I realized in the evening that I had not had a BM in like 4 days so I took a women's laxative (can't remember the name) and I woke up at 3am and took the biggest dump of my life (sorry but it is TRUE! LOL) in the morning I woke up and weighed and I was back down to 207. Yeah, lost 2 lbs over night with that bad boy! So today I have been really good, and I rode my bike which is something I hadn't done in 2 weeks because I have been so busy. I really enjoyed riding today. I am hoping it pays off and brings me back down to 206 tomorrow. Which of course is right back where I started but hey, at least it is better then 209! I think in some ways I sabotage myself and I can't figure out why. I am so close to the illusive 199 and it is like I am scared to be that close so I slack off. isn't that weird how we do that to ourselves? Well, now I am ready to get there and I am still hoping to get down to 202 by the 31st. Well now that I think of it, that is only 7 days away and there is no way I can lose 5lbs in 7 days unless my body does another plateau buster but I just don't see that happening. Well, here is wishful thinking at it's finest! if I don't get there I am not gonna flip out and eat a gallon of ice cream or anything. After all, a loss is still a loss right? Oh, and let me give a big shout out to my cousin Jessica who just had her tummy tuck surgery on the 22nd and is doing well. Jess, I want pics as soon as you heal!

it is hard to say, but I think my body is rebelling against me! I got off my period, got my restriction back and then bam, first my left hip goes out for a few days, and then over this past weekend, a sharp pain right between my shoulder blades. I can't exercise, so all I do is sit on my butt. Today I am home from work, logging in remotely to work because I can barely walk. I lost down to 206 but today I am actually up a lb. But for my self confidence I am putting that weight up

. Plus this is how I feel about the scale right now

and this is the face I make at it

every morning when it doesn't tell me what I want to hear. LOL!!

i really wanted to lose 10lbs this month and so far I have only lost 6. I have 10 days to lose 4 lbs. if my back got better, and my hip didn't go out (i sound like I am 90!) I might have a chance. Shall we call this Tracy's Challenge?

i am still hanging out at the same weight, no changes but still, I expected it. I am soon to start my monthly visitor and I am wide open. I always get wide open about one week before hand, then tighten up during, and go back to normal after. Because it has been bad weather all weekend, I have been inside grazing lol. I did clean the house this morning in a rather vigorous manner so I am hoping that constitutes some form of exercise?

i would like to get down to 202lbs by the end of the month. it would be really nice to lose 10 lbs this month. Even better to below 200 but I am not gonna push it.

i need to talk a little bit about the bad publicity lately in the news over Mexico surgeons. I admit to getting a little angry when I saw the following newscast.

i just really hate that these so called "news" people don't really show BOTH sides of the story. This story did show both sides, but only briefly showed a reputable Mexico doctor who successfully banded a woman.The rest of the story was putting down the doctors, staff, and hospitals. They showed edited blurbs from other doctors, and showed ONE woman who had a terrible experience. I want them to show the bad doctors but I want them to have just as equal play time with a reputable doctor. I know, I am dreaming. it just ticks me off that news stories like this are scaring people away from having a great experience. So how do you know the surgeon you pick is a good one? Do the research yourself. MAiNLY talk to others who have been banded by that surgeon. Google your surgeon's name at http://www.google.com and don't take ANYBODY's WORD for it, do the research!

Ok, while I am on this topic and got myself all heated up, let me voice a little concern I have. I am getting saddened by people who are refusing to follow their doctors orders and instead follow the advice of a email list or message board or worse, follow their own rules. Why would you spend so much money to mess it up? And yes, you can mess it up! I won't mention any names, but you know who you are. Eating at restaurant when you are barely 2 weeks post op and supposed to be on liquids, putting food in a blender and saying "hey, this is liquid!?", and getting a fill when you are only 3 weeks post op!!!?? Come on people!

Ok, I still love you guys but it has got to stop. You must must must follow doctors orders or you could compromise your band. I KNOW it is hard when you are on the liquid stage. You are wondering why you are hungry, "didn't I just have WLS so I wouldn't be hungry?" and you are concerned that you are one of the people it aint gonna work for. But guess what?? Being hungry is normal when you have no restriction but you still must let your band heal! Let your stomach heal. Let your port heal. Don't over do things. And don't eat solids! Do you know that I followed Dr. Aceves post op diet to a T with the exception that I drank milk based protein drinks 3 days earlier then I was supposed to because I was feeling weak and didn't have access to a GNC store? I didn't have mushies until my 5th week post op. I was on clear liquids for 2 weeks, full liquids for 2 weeks, and started mushies in my 5th week. I didn't get on solids until my 7th week post op! That is when most people are getting their first fill and have been eating solids for some time. I am not saying I am perfect, but I understand the importance of following the rules!

if you are reading this and saying "Sheesh, Trace, lighten up there babe" I am sorry. it is just SO hard for me to watch people mess their bands up. I already know of one person who I advised not to eat solids and she did anyway and slipped her band because she threw up so much when the food got stuck. I DON'T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN TO YOU so that is why I am smacking people are over the place! So consider yourself smacked! LOL! Call it tough love or whatever you want, but I care about what happens to people. I WANT them to have just as much success as I have. Thanks for reading this far!! See what a rainy day does to a person!

i have been hanging around at 207.5 -208 for a few days now but that is ok because I lost so quickly after getting past 212. I think I am on my way down today because I feel it in my clothes. My size 16's are getting slightly baggy!! I can't believe that...it is truly UNBELiEVEABLE that I might fit into a size 14. I am going to wait until I get into the 190's though.

i have been eating about the same amounts, or at least trying to. This week has been SOOO busy at work, and sometimes I don't have time to eat. My mind is on fixing someone's computer, they have an agenda (screw mine!) and they want it fixed now! Right now I am working for a special education co op with about 20 diagnosticians and you know not ONE of them knows much about a computer? I am not knocking teachers and diagnosticians but you would think they would have some computer training in order to work the software programs that are out there? My 11 yr old autistic son knows more about computers then they do!

And while I am venting, I work with a bunch of men. Why do they all have to be so egotistical to the point that no one is communicating with the other? it's "My department is more important then YOUR department and FOR GODS SAKES YOU MUST BOW DOWN TO ME!!"

LOL. I find it utterly hilarious on most days but this week it has gotten on my LAST NERVE

. Oh well, this is Tracy, signing off. TGiF!!!

This is a great day because I FiNALLY reached 210, a weight I have been struggling to get to for a while. The weight loss has slowed quite a bit but I am still averaging 3.1lbs a week overall, even though I have gone a couple weeks weighing the same or bouncing back and forth. This past month was a 8lbs loss, which ties with May 1st before my first fill. I only have 50lbs more to go to get to my goal and the weight loss is slowing down a bit. I was hoping it wouldn't slow down until I got below 200. I am still doing the same amount of exercise, curves 3x a week, swimming 2 x a week, and bicycling when I have time.

i have learned how to eat correctly for the most part, but still have times when things get stuck because either I eat too fast, or I am a glutten. Example: last night I made tater-top casserolle. (Fry up hamburger meat, drain. Get a casserolle pan and mix the hamburger meat, one can of cream of mushroom soup, and 1 can of green beans all together then flatten to the bottom of the pan. Next grab some frozen tater tots in a bag and pour on top, spreading evenly. Put in the oven following the tater tot directions for oven temp. Then when done, pull out and sprinkle some cheddar cheese on top and put back in oven until melted. it is really yummy!). Well I dished out my portion as usual, about 1/2 cup. I slowly ate it and felt satisfied. I was reading email and 45 min pass. I think "Hmm, I think I want more food" even though physically I was not hungry. This is called HEAD HUNGER. So I went to the pan and instead of dishing me some more, I grab a spoon and start eating from the pan (old habits die hard). I took 3 big bites, probably didn't chew right either. Next thing I know, I am sliming. I try warm water to get it to pass, nothing works. I eventually had to induce vomiting. An official PB. I had not done that in a while but it was not the bands fault, it was mine. if I had followed the pouch rules I would have been ok.

Some days I think I need another tiny fill, and some days I think "Nah, I just need to work the band". So I guess until I am positive I need a fill, I wont get one. I NEVER want to be too tight.

i have learned that I need to eat and not starve myself because when I don't eat, I don't lose. Sounds weird huh? But if you understand Starvation mode, then it would make sense. Your body will try and hang on to everything it's got when you don't eat, plus it is not good for your body to not get the nutrients. Oh, take a look at my inches lost in the post below:

i realized today that I had not measured in a while so I thought I better update. These aren’t all of my measurements, because I also measure my neck, calf, and wrist. But just with these I have lost 35.5”!!! And 70lbs gone as of today! I just passed my 5 month surgery anniversary on the 1^st, and today marks 6 months no smoking!

i thought I would update again now that I have more time. Tonight I went walking for the second night in a row. I really enjoy it but boy am I sore!! I stretched before and after both times, but maybe not as much as I should have. My ankles hurt, and my knees. I thinking I may be following in my families footsteps because both my grandmother and my mother have had knee surgeries. I really don't want to go there but I have been having it seems, worse problems with my knees since losing weight! I know that doesn't make sense but maybe I am noticing because I am exercising more and putting more pressure on them?

So let's talk about my job. Everyone at work has been commenting on my weight loss. My boss seems to mention it every time I pass him. Yeah, it makes me feel WONDERFUL. Does that make me vain? I don't think so. I think it makes me happy because of the YEARs that I got attention for being fat. The stares I got when I would go out in public wearing shorts because it was so hot here in Texas. The rude people that would point and stare...THAT KiND OF ATTENTiON was AWFUL, HORRiBLE, and demeaning. Now I am getting smiles from NiCE people, and some people at work say "hi slim" haha! But you know what? I still know who the people are that were rude to me, and yeah, some of them are trying to be nice now. Know what? Excuse me but the could be a flea on a dogs ass that's how much I don't care about them. I ignore them now, just as they ignored me. The nice ones, the ones that smiled and laughed with me when I was 280lbs are the ones that are my true friends and are the ones I will spend my time with.

Ok, I got that off my chest. Now I want to talk about relationships. I know, deep huh? Well I want to talk about it because mine has been going through something very strange as of late. You know I was mistaken when I thought that if I could only lose a few pounds, maybe I would get more attention, maybe we wouldn't argue, maybe maybe maybe. But the truth is, NONE of that changes. You STiLL have to work on relationships that you care about whether you are 300lbs or 130lbs. My cousin really gave me the heads up on that advice. She told me to be aware that some things would not change and she was right. I am not saying this because I have a terrible relationship, because I don't. But we still have things we need to work on, just as we did before. My weight loss did not change that. Yes, he loves the new me, but he loved the old me. (And actually, he misses my booty the way it used to be LOL. We joke about how he is gonna leave me when I don't have a booty left!). A lot of us have a false sense of how EVERYTHiNG will change when we lose weight. We will be a lot happier, life will just "work" , blah blah blah. NOT TRUE. Life is still the same, you may be different but other things still go on just as they did before.

Sorry it has been so long since I Have updated! Well, it has been 10 days and as you can see, I haven't lost much since then. I got real happy when I reached 215 and sorta got lazy for a couple days and then started my period. I don't know if I will lose another 4.5 lbs by the end of the month but this week I am sure gonna try. I also have not been drinking the right amount of water, not even my minimal. So I just wanted to update real quick and let everyone know that I am still doing well. I have still be exercising, doing my swimming, biking, and curves. I know I am losing inches like crazy, even the 16's are getting lose already. I have started walking tonight because I remembered how many inches I lost last time in my butt area which is still pretty big I might say. :) I need to get this butt off of me!!!

Well group, I can’t believe this but it happened. I reached never never land. (A weight I have not been able to reach by dieting). I am now at...drumroll please........215!! I know this is stupid, but psychologically now, I KNOW the lapband is gonna work for me. I kept telling myself that if I could get to 215 (2lbs below the weight I was able to get to 2 years ago on atkins) that it would work for me. I can't believe it myself, and I don't know how it happened so fast because I was stuck at 220-221 for the LONGEST time...like 3 weeks. Then we went to lubbock for the weekend, I pretty much ate when I felt like it, drank tea, didn't drink enough water, and then monday I weighed myself and I was down to 218. I couldn't believe it and had to weigh myself a few times. That was this past Monday. Tues it said 217, wed 217, but today 215!!! (For those wanting to say I am obsessed with the scale, I know I know I shouldn’t weigh every day but numbers inspire me ! J ) I don't know where I am losing it from because I don't feel any different. I seriously wonder and joke around that I must be losing it off my big toe. But today, I went to Wal-Mart trying to pass the time and decided to see how far away from a size 16 jeans I was. So I picked 2 and couldn't believe it when they fit!! I was doing the 6 flags over Texas old guy dance (for those who don't know who he is or what I am talking about, just picture Steve Martin or Pee Wee Herman doing the happy dance). I think I scared the lady in the next dressing room stall over because while doing the happy dance, I tripped on my pant leg and lunged into the wall LOL. I ended up buying one pair, and picked out a SiZE 16-18 cute blouse. I am just thrilled.

i wanted to say also that I don’t want to sound like I am bragging every time I get on here and tell you guys about my weight loss. I want everyone to feel GREAT about their own accomplishments and don’t feel like you aren’t doing well if you aren’t losing as much. I can’t believe it myself. in the past I was a slow loser…slower then most. That is why I can’t believe I am doing as well as I am. My family can’t believe it either because they have seen me struggle through the years. My goal all this time was to get to 199 before my 35^th birthday which is Oct 28^th. I know I can do it, 16lbs away from that goal. When I get there, I am gonna have a party!!

i know I shouldn't be updating with today's weight loss so soon, but it is just so exciting that I am losing again!! The only problem is, I don't know where I am losing it from. My big toe? My clothes fit the same, my face looks the same I think. Maybe it is coming off my back (that would be nice!) I guess my new pictures need to show a front and back side.

Now can I vent a little? Lately I have been reading on the OH message boards from some of the "old timers" that eating 4-6oz at each meal is not enough, you are stupid and your doctor is stupid if they tell you that, etc etc. it just makes me mad that these so called experts are telling newbies that it is a no no to listen to their doctors!! I say go to iNAMED's website which is http://www.inamed.com and find where it talks about the amount the pouch will hold. Look at the card in your wallet if you are already banded, it says the pouch holds 4oz. Now of course there is not a plug in the bottom of your band and while you eat, food goes through. But I saw, and this is just MY opinion, that if you are properly restricted, the food should NOT be passing through very fast, and therefore the pouch WiLL fill up to it's intended capacity and make you have that FULL feeling fairly quickly. The reason I feel this way is because with my first fill, I would get a hurting sensation (not really hurting but like indigestion) after a few bites, which meant the food was passing through my band quickly---too quickly for my tastes, which is why I got the .5 tweak. Now I can eat my entire meal and only when I OVEREAT do I have that same feeling (Or if I eat too fast, don't chew right, etc).

So I say bottom line is listen to your doc. I actually feel that Dr. Aceves is on target by saying keep it under 1000 calories. Everything I have learned about metabolism, exercise, and calories tells me that keeping it under 1000 while trying to lose is OK. Now once I get down to goal, I should be able to go over that and maintain. I feel healthy, energetic, and HAPPY!! I have been taking vitamins because I have been losing my hair. But I also was not very good at taking my synthroid (for hypothyroidism) every day. My doc has slapped my hand and now I am dedicated to taking my pills on time. I have been also tracking things on fitday and I was not getting in enough protein like I thought I was. So I am trying to fix that by adding cottage cheese and reg cheese onto things.

Sorry for the long update, thanks to my readers for sticking with me this long!! ANd thank you for all the compliments and comments, you don't know it but it really keeps me going to hear and feel a pat on the back once in a while. :)

i can't believe it!! I am so excited, I had to get on here and update even though I am running late for work!! I don't know what did it, I didn't exercise over the weekend, I ate a variety of foods, none really bad, and I get on the scale this morning and wham!! I had to rub my eyes and hop on it 3 more times to make sure I was seeing 218! I just can't believe it still but it is real. I have finally broken through my plataue!! I am hoping I can get down to 210 this month but I am running late. I still think I can do it since usually after busting a plateau the weight goes off fast until the next plateau. I am so close to never never land (a weight I have not been able to weigh by dieting) 215 here I come!

Ok, so I am at a plateau again. *sigh*. I really thought I was doing good and then BAM...plateau. The last time I lost any lbs was a week and 4 days ago. What is really tough is I keep bouncing between 220 and 221 and there is no rhyme or reason for it! I knew over the fourth of July weekend I would have a hard time because of all the food. But I did good. I did go up to 221. Then Tuesday, I weighed back at 220 and I did really really good all day. I went to curves and then that evening I rode my bike about 2 miles around my town. I just KNEW I would be at 219 by Wednesday morning. Well guess what? I gained a lb back up to 221. I really wanted to throw the scale away or break it or something!!

i told myself that I couldn't let that discourage me, it could be water weight, it could be muscle from the bike ride. I KNOW I am not supposed to weigh myself everyday but I can't help it now...even though I KNOW it is not good for me. So all day yesterday I talked to myself and told myself it was OK and that today I would be back to 220. So this morning, sure enough I weighed 220. Ok so today I told myself I am really gonna pump it up, drink all the water I am supposed to, and maybe that will break this crazy

plateau. I hope so. I just hate when I am stuck for no dang reason. I know I used to weigh this weight about 2 years ago and I stayed this weight for a long time. So I guess my body is trying to hang on to it. But I am just so excited to get under 220!! Specifically 215. it has been over 10 years since I have weighed 215 or lower.

Now I want to talk about exercise. I have joined a ladies water aerobics class on Tue and Thur nights and I really really LOVE iT!! For one thing, it is fun to get together with other women (i know me, the tom boy, saying that!??). And I really tend to lose the lbs the next day even if it does go back on, and it is relaxing! No kids, no work, no boss. I really love it. So on Mon Wed and Thur I go to curves. I know this is a repeat of what I said below but people keep asking me what I am doing to be losing the weight so quickly. All I can say is exercise REALLY does help and keeping up with your restriction level. According to inamed, I should only be able to eat about 4oz (1/2 cup) at a time. if I can eat more then that, then I (or you) need a fill. Plain and simple. I don't know why so many people are asking "is this restriction?". To me it was simple. I am definitely restricted now...and at my sweet spot. I may need another fill in a month or so if my band loosens around my pouch. But it really is simple as far as determining if you need a fill. I just don't understand all the confusion. Maybe I am just a baby bandster and still have more to experience.

. So what does my daily intake look like? Here is an example:

During the work week, I don't think about food and I stay full for a good 3-4 hours inbetween meals. On the weekends, it's a different story. Ok, this has been a long update but I had a lot to say.

i am bouncing pounds again, between 220 and 221. I figure I aint gonna worry about it because my body is adjusting. I am not able to eat very much at a sitting. I can probably eat about 4 oz or 1/2 cup usually. (By the way, that is what inamed recommends so I am right on target!) Sometimes in the evenings, I can eat more just depending on what it is. I have always been able to eat a bunch of popcorn for some reason. I am not worried because I am still at my calorie level (around 800-950) per day as is Dr. Aceves instructions. Today we went out, took the kids to the mall, then to miniature golf. I ate a Burger King cheeseburger. And yeah, I ate the whole thing while sipping a tea. But I knew I was doing it and I just figured sometimes you just have to let loose ya know? That cheeseburger tasted awesome and I don't regret it LOL.

i thought I would let everyone know that when you cheat like that, you can actually find out how many calories you actually spent on the "cheat". Taco Bell, Burger King, McDonalds..all have websites with "nutrition" links where you can find out how many calories are in that whopper (or McNugget). Well my cheeseburger cost me 350 calories. I had two slices of bacon for breakfast which was 58 calories, and a couple bites of noodles, tomato, and hamburger meat (goulash) for lunch..probably another 50 calories if that. Oh, and I had a bag of popcorn tonight (yeah, a bag!! I ate it while sipping water too....slap me) so that is around 280 calories. So all together I had 738 plus a few bites of french fries. I am right on target for my calorie level. I know there are other surgeons out there who are telling patients to eat 1200 to 1500 calories a day. My best advice is DO WHAT YOUR SURGEON tells you!!. When I first heard 800 to 900 calories a day I was like "Yeah right" but at this great fill level I don't feel hungry at all! I don't think my body is going into starvation mode because I do go over that amount usually on the weekends. Also I exercise 6 days a week.

i go to Curves on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays and on Tuesdays and Thursdays I do water aerobics for 2 hrs in the evenings. On Saturdays I usually go bike riding or swimming at the lake. So I stay pretty active and yes, I am loving it! The only thing I have a hard time doing is drinking water. I mean I try to get at least a 20 oz bottle in but I have become addicted to unsweetened tea with sweet N low!! So I drink my 20 oz bottle in the morning, and then in the afternoon I get a big cup (44oz) of unsweetened tea and sweet n low and I sip on it for a long time. I do drink more water when I am at work or working outside. I really know that drinking more water is not only good for weight loss but good for the skin!! And lord knows I need my skin to be looking as good as it can for as LONG as it can. Phew, this has been a long update!!

WOW I did it!! I reached 220lbs which means I am at my half way mark!! I have lost 60lbs and have 60 more to go!! I can't believe it!!! I am wearing a size 18 comfortably now. I cannot believe this. The reason I am so excited is because I have not been into a size 16 through my own weight loss methods and I am almost there!! A size 16!! WOW. Also, I am only 5lbs away from weighing a weight that I have not been able to get to on my own. The lowest I weighed on Atkins was 217. So prepare to hear a big HOLLER when I reach 216-215!!

Well, it has been a tough couple of days since my last posting. I have PB-ed simply because I wasn't watching what I was doing. And out of pure stupidity. Eating too fast, to big of bites. I KNOW better. I have gotten lazy AND I think because I am not afraid of Pb-ing...i have just been doing it because I can. Yep, sounds stupid and it is. The good thing is I KNOW it and I know how to stop it. it only happens when I am at home, I am in the middle of getting the kids dinner, plus I am hungry when I get home from work...i am not paying attention. So I think I will either have a snack before coming home so I am not so hungry, or I will wait until after the kids are done eating to eat my dinner. You really have to concentrate on what you are doing (chewing) or you can mess up.

i do so well when I am at work. I don't think about food. But I noticed over this last weekend that I have to deal with head hunger a lot if I don't keep myself busy.

Ok, I can't even finish writing in my journal because my kids are demanding my attention. Plus I have 2 step kids over for 2 weeks visiting through the summer so needless to say, I have my hands full. I guess I will finish this another time. *sigh* (calgon, what's that?)

Ok, you can slap me now for those of you who read "i keep getting stuck or hitting mini plateaus....wah wah wah". I wasn't stuck at all, my body was just adjusting from losing so much so fast. I am doing fine at losing. I have been working hard too. I go to curves 3 days a week and swim at the pool 2 days a week plus ride my bike for a mile 2 nights a week. I admit I don't drink water like I should. I drink other things like tea and gatoraide but I make sure I have at least one 20oz bottle of water a day (sometimes 2 depending on if I am outside in the heat). I know everyone is saying drink more more more but I just can't seem to do it some days. Plus the new studies are out that are debunking all those other studies that say to drink all that water. I will have to provide a link, just don't have time right now.

i had my second PB yesterday. I was upset about something at my job that happened and like a dork, decided to leave for lunch early (to get away!) and tried to eat some steak and veggies. The steak went down ok (A piece about 2" wide by 3"long..maybe 1/2" thick) and then I tried the mixed veggeies which was corn, greenbeans, and carrot. I took 2 bites and.......golf ball....stuck....slime. I tried to wait it out, but it wasn't going away. So I wharfed. it was just a ball of slime but I felt better. Does anyone else do that? I hear so much about people PB'ing food. I just PB slime...i never can get out whatever is stuck but getting rid of the slime seems to do something because I feel better!

You know, I think I am noticing a pattern. I keep getting stuck or hitting mini plateau's at every 10 lbs. My last plateau was at 232-233lbs. is it my body wanting to hang on to every pound or is it psychological? I did good yesterday, I didn't go to curves because I didn't have time but when I got home, I did ride my bike over a mile...that felt good!! I think I am losing some major inches even if the lb loss has slowed. Some people reading this may want to slap me when I say the pound loss is slow...SORRY! I just get all excited and wish that I could lose at a steady pace instead of this on off thing. Well, maybe I am just being piggish....afterall, I am supposed to start my period any day now. That could be it. Well, I am off to work where here lately I have sat at my desk and dreamt of winning the lotto so I don't have to work anymore!!

This fill is kicking butt and taking names later! I have lost 7 lbs since my fill on the 9th! I can fit into one pair of size 18 capri pants that I last wore 3 yrs ago! What I have noticed with this fill is that I have finally reached that point where *gasp* I don't think about food!! I know I know, weird huh? At least for me it is. Before banding I used to think about what I was gonna eat for lunch, WHiLE I was eating breakfast. And while I was eating lunch, I would think of....no not dinner...... SNACK...haha! Then dinner. I was constantly thinking about food. To think I would schedule my day around breakfast lunch and dinner. Now that is foreign to me. I sometimes forget to eat breakfast now. When I do eat it, I usually have 1/2 cup of cottage cheese or I drink a protein shake. For lunch I have been carrying it from home. Today I had about 3 to 4 inches of a sausage (like sausage on a stick). For dinner I had 3 oz of pork rib and some peas. But the thing is, I am staying full and satisfied!! I don't feel the need to snack all the time. The worst times for me was in the evening. I would break out the icecream and put about 3 cups in a bowl, then pour some milk in, and maybe a tablespoon or 2 of peanut butter (if you think that is weird you need to try it....it is yummy). After that I would feel guilty, but an hour later, I would have another plate of dinner leftovers. Now I can see HOW MUCH CALORiES I WAS CONSUMiNG!!

Dr. Aceves wants me to stay around 800 calories. I think I am averaging about that right now. Now I understand when readings some peoples journals they were saying it was hard to get that much in. NOW I understand that. if you are a newbie, you will too when you get there.

I have been getting used to my new fill. Tomorrow is my last day on mushies. I messed up though. I had my first full blown PB tonight. For those that are new to this, PB means productive burp. it is a nice way of saying barf, spew, upchuck, well....you get the picture.

I had done well all day and then tonight I came home and it was like I just wanted to eat. I wasn't hungry, but I think it was the whole "mom/wife" thing. Cooking for the family and I thought I needed to eat too. I ate 1 cup of rice and chicken soup, and about 1/4 cup of cottage cheese. Then as I was frying pork chops (a treat in my house that I only cook once in a while) I said to myself "Maybe if I chew the pork chop really really well it will be "like mushy" food. So I took a credit card sized piece of pork chop, and I cut a small piece and put it in the ol pie hole. I chewed and chewed and swallowed and everything seemed fine. So I did it again, and again and on the 4th bite I said "Hmm I am now getting pretty full" but did I stop? No...i took one more bite and that was the bite that did me in. I didn't listen to my soft stop (usually when I take in a deep breath) and I didn't listen to my hard stop (My stomach telling me it was full).

About 15 min later my chest felt weird. it didn't feel like a golf ball. iT is hard to explain. I felt OVER FULL, I felt like if I burped I would throw up. So I kept swallowing. The more I swallowed, the worse I felt and I knew I had to make myself PB. I have never been one to throw up easily so I had to stick my finger down my throat. The first thing that came up was this wad of saliva (remember all that swallowing? Well it was about 2 tablespoons worth that had been sitting on top of my band) Then I thought to myself "Was that a PB? There wasn't any food?" So I decided to wait 5 min to see if the bad feeling went away. it didn't. So I tried again. This time a little bit of pork chop came up....all chewed , maybe a teaspoon. Again I asked myself if that was a true PB....so I waited. Nope, still felt bad. So I did this two more times and finally the last time, and after a few sips of unsweetened tea, it was like "Ahhhhhhh all better" and I was fine again. So the whole process? it took about 30 min. Sorry I was so graphic but I figure for those wanting to know what a PB is, it is helpful.

On to other news, I did my 30 min at Curves today. That felt good to get started on a brand new week since last week I only went twice. I felt pretty good this morning when I jumped on the scale and it said 228lbs. I am getting closer to that place I mentioned earlier on in my journal....that place that I have never been able to get to before with diet and exercise. That place for me is somewhere around 210-216lbs. I have actually made it to 217 on my own before. if I can make it to somewhere in that range then I think my brain will finally convince itself that THiS iS GOiNG TO WORK. THiS iS NOT TEMPORARY. THE WEiGHT iS GONE FOR GOOD. The size 18 jeans I mentioned? I can put them on but they are TiGHT. Boyfriend thinks it looks good. I say he is only saying that because he likes the way my ass looks in them! HA!

I think I would rather be able to....you know.....BREATH perhaps? LOL

June 11 2005 230lbs 50lbs loss!!!

Hi everyone!! AS you can see I am at the half century mark!! WOOO HOOO!!!

I am pretty sure being on clear liquids for 2 days did it! So I pretty much broke through and got down to 230 by yesterday (Friday). Now my body is adjusting. This morning I put on my size 20 normal jeans (That means they are not stretch) and they fit...and were even a little loose!! if anything, in the beginning, a fill will definitely help you bust a plateau! I really can't wait until I can eat solids to see how this fill is going to do me. I hope I wont need another one for a while. if I do, I might just need .2 I am feeling so good today, have been getting in my protein, even took my vitamins!! AND.....i walked with Curtis about 3/4 of a mile this evening. Last week I didn't do well at curves. I normally go 5 times a week at least, last week only 2. I had business appointments most of the week, and then had to leave early thursday for my fill. Friday I was intending on going, but I was feeling really sluggish from being on clear liquids. And that wasn't even what stopped me! I had to cover for someone else on my lunch break which is usually the time I go, so I said "That's ok, I can go to curves at 1pm instead". Well I got there, and they were closed until 3:30. I couldn't come back because I had to leave at 2 for another appointment sooooo I didn't earn my curves buck last week. (You only get a curves buck, to be used towards goodies like t-shirts, if you go three times a week)

So I stood up in front of the x-ray machine and they had me swallow the barium. This is where I got to see Antonio Bandera's (what I affectionately call my band) and see my restriction level. it looked pretty good to me, but I wont know until I can get on some solids and that wont be until next Wednesday (my doc has me do 2 days clear liquids, 2 day full liquids, 2 days mushies).

June 2 2005 233.5lbs -47.5 Loss

i keep bouncing the same pound back and forth from 232.5 to 233.5 and it is driving me nuts. But I know why. it is because I held this weight for around 2 yrs and my body doesn't want to let it go. I am determined to bust through this barrier but I think I am going to need another fill to do it. I noticed in the last two weeks that somteimes I was getting hungry sooner, or was able to eat just a little bit more. Not all the time, but more often then not. Some days, like this morning, I am soo tight which from what I have read, is normal for a bandster. I am still able to slowly eat some oatmeal tho. At lunch I can have about a cup of meat, and maybe something else. But by dinner, watch out. I am easily getting in 2 1/2cups. And that is the worst time to eat!!

So I am scheduling another fill next week with Dr. Dobson. I had called this week but they said one of the machines was down. I think I would like just a tiny more fill...like .5 cc's. Not much, just a little to close me up a little more so food stays in my pouch a little longer. From what I have read, the sweet spot is when you don't take a few bites and feel it going through your band already. it is where the food stays in there and you are full in a few bites or at least 1/2 cup to a cup of food. With me, I can slowly eat and continue to finish something as long as I let the food empty out through the band, and that is NOT the bandster way. So we will see what happens with a smidge more of a fill. I don't want to be overfilled!!

May 29 2005 234lbs -46lbs

Here is a post I made to Dr. Aceves group tonight:

Subject: i'm a Cheater!

Boy am i! This morning I got up, got on the scale and it said I had lost
another pound so I was all excited. Then I don't know what happened. I had a
normal breakfast. A few hours later we decided we were going to go to the
movies to see Star Wars. So I ate lunch before we left, which was just 1
small chicken thigh and some cottage cheese. Then about an hour later,
everyone else was hungry so they stop at Jack-in-the-box and this is when it
happened. I wasn't really hungry, but I ordered 2 taco's for 99 cents. Mind
you , I have not eaten out really since before my surgery so this was like a
treat. So I slowly ate one taco, and it went down ok. I let my son eat the
other taco....so that was not so bad. But it was just the beginning of my
binge...We get to the movie theatre. I figure I would get Curtis and I a
medium popcorn, and the kids a small each. I didn't think I would eat but
maybe a handful and let Curtis eat the rest. Boy was I wrong!! it was like I
couldn't stop shoveling the popcorn in. I couldn't believe the band was
letting me eat all that! But it did...and I kept shoveling. I ate 3/4 of a
medium bag of popcorn. Don't even ask me how many cups that was...i am
bloated even now, 3 hrs later and I feel so bad!! I am sure I have gained
back the pound I lost plus some!

But you wanna know the plus side? Before banding I could have eaten a large
box of popcorn all by myself, and a hot dog, and maybe even a pretzel! Oh,
and don't forget the soda I would have sucked down! So even if I have gained
back the pound, I still say I LOVE MY BAND! We sat down at the movies at
3:30 and it is now 7pm and I am STiLL full from the popcorn....i probably
won't even eat dinner....just suck down more water.

Well I just had to vent.....let it out.....now I feel better. :)

****end of post****

May 25 2005

Well right after my last post, where I said I had judged the BBQ, I was eating some of that leftover when I think I had my first PB. I didn't burp it up, throw up, or up chuck. But the meat was definately stuck and it hurt hurt hurt. I couldn't drink water, it felt like it just sat on top of the band. I jumped up and down, which helped if at least psychologically, and I spit and spit and spit and WANTED to throw up to feel better, but I was afraid to. Finally after 15 min it went down and I was left with a sore throat, which I guess was from the spasms? I have no idea but my throat is still sore today but getting better. For the next 2 days I did liquids then mushies. Today is the first day I think I was able to eat solids without it killing me. it is amazing how easy we forget we have the band when we are doing other things and trying to eat at the same time. For me, I was watching TV and updating my profile here and not paying attention to what I was doing.

A fellow bandster told me to "Go ahead and PB, you will feel better" meaning go ahead and throw up. Next time I think I will. (What am I saying? Next time? Someone slap me pleaaasee!? haha). Oh I am still at the same weight, I had gone down to 234, but then my period started...ugh! At least I haven't gained.

TODAY I STARTED CURVES!! For my first work out, I didn't think I had done much, but when I got out in my car in the 100 degree weather and started sweating, I knew I had done something. I normally don't sweat much, even when getting in a hot car, but I think the combination of exercise and then getting in is what did it. I look forward to going back tomorrow now that I can sorta work the machines right. I will keep you all updated on what ithink about Curves. it took me this long to join because A: I wasn't sure if it was going to give me "enough" of a work out and B: I didn't have the $114 to start memebership. Well this week it was half off so I went ahead and started. I think it is better than doing nothing, and with my new job opportunity (That I can't mention until I know for sure it is going to work) and summer coming, I am getting to busy in the evenings for riding my bike. I went to Curves at my lunch break today and will probably do that from now on.

May 20 2005 235-45lbs 2 months post op

i just took my measurements and I can't believe the results!
Chest 46 -5
Arm 15 -3.5
Waist 45 -5.5
Hip 46 -6
Thigh 30 -2
Wrist 7.5 -.5

Total inches Lost 22.5!!!

i can't believe the 6 inches off my hips!! Curtis did say my booty was looking smaller LOL. (and he would know since he looks at it all the time haha!)

This weekend I haven't really been doing things I should...but I haven't been eating the wrong foods either. I have been sort of drinking with my meals because we have been out in public (i helped judge a BBQ cook off yesterday! But I didn't eat, I just helped the judges) But afterwards, I got to have the meat that didn't make 1st, 2nd, or 3rd place. it was still pretty good meat! Any who, I have been sticking to getting my protein in but I need help on getting the veggies. And as usual, the exercise. I am going to lose this last 5lbs to get to my mini goal for May (230lbs).

i set up mini goals every month of a loss of 10lbs. This month my goal changed fast because I started at 245 before the fill and lost 10 lbs in under 2 weeks, so I changed the goal to 230. I know I can lose the last 5 if I work my butt off. Then my next mini goal is to get to 220 by July 1st. So this means that if I stick to my goals I should be under 200lb by my birthday on October 28th. That would be sooooooo cool!! Onederland here I come!!

May 20 2005 235-45lbs 2 months post op

i am feeling so GREAT about my recent weight loss, let me tell you. Getting through the 240's was a little slow (or it seemed to me) but I am cutting through the 230's like butter! So far I have lost 10 lbs since my fill on May 6th. (2 weeks ago today!) I am feeling good restriction, I can only eat about 1 cup of meat, and MAYBE 1/2 Cup of veggies. By then I don't have room for carbs or starch which is fine anyway. I have to tell you I am naturally sticking to mostly meat and veggies because that is what makes me feel full longer and makes me feel better. But sometimes I will eat Fried Chicken, or fried fish (i am talking with the breading). I have not tried any pasta yet, but I can do rice if it is in a soup or liquid. I also have not tried salad, and I am not sure why because I love salad. I usually don't make it a lot at home though, so that could be why because I have yet to go eat out.

This morning I was looking for some pants to wear because all my 22's and 24's are too big and I came across some size 18 capri pants that I used to wear all the time about 3 years ago. I put them on, they were tight buttoning up, but I got them on!! I ran out of the room and jumped on my boyfriend's back and said "LOOK LOOK LOOK " hahaha! He was happy for me too. Of course it will be another 10-15lbs before they are comfy to wear but still...it reminded me of how CLOSE I am to wear I had gotten to 3 years ago on atkins before everything got screwed up with my thyroid meds and I gained all the weight plus. I am only 15lbs away from that weight and SOOO close to getting to "The point of no return" which is a weight I have not been able to get to myself from dieting (210).

i know once I get there, there is NO LOOKiNG BACK. I will be CONViNCED that I am going to DO THiS THiS TiME!! Let me tell the newbies out there:

Since getting my fill, this has been so easy for me. I am no longer hungry between meals. 1 cup of food usually satisfies me for 3-4 hours. (YES YOU HEARD RiGHT, 1 CUP!). I don't mind watching others around me eat, in fact I sit there now and wonder how they can eat so much haha! Sometimes my eyes are bigger than my stomache if I wait longer then 4 hrs to eat, then I always surprise myself by getting full on so little. I am 2 1/2 months out and so far I have not done the famous "PB". Frankly I don't know what that feels like and I don't want to. I have slimed....which is wear THiCK saliva builds up in your mouth and you would rather spit then swallow it. That happened after a few bites of cream of wheat. it lasted about 30 minutes and that was that. Never did that again! So I guess I wanted to tell the newbies that some of us do get restriction after the first fill, some of us don't have too much head hunger (some, but not too much), some of us don't have any real problem foods (i can still eat all of my favorites, all the meats, etc), and some of us lose a lot faster then 2-3lbs a week. I don't want to make anyone out there feel bad if they are not losing that fast, because 2-3lbs a week is EXCELLENT! But I wanted the newbies, those not -yet-banded and those recently banded to know there is hope.

i am doing wonderful, feeling wonderful, full of energy and that is saying a lot about me because I used to sit around because I felt so LETHARGiC. Now I am up up and on the go! ANd to think, I have only lost 45 lbs at this point...what am I going to be like when I get to goal??? Hehehe.

May 12 2005 239-41lbs 2 months post op

YES!! Since getting my fill, one week ago, I have lost 6 lbs! I have been getting used to my new way of eating and have hit some bumps in the road but mainly doing good. I have been practicing chewing and taking smaller bites and also slowing down my eating. You have to get used to the fact that you cannot eat like you used to, so quit trying. I am still learning that and probably will for a while. I have not felt like throwing up, I am glad for that. I read so many other people throwing up, or PB-ing, and that is just not for me. Plus I do not want to compromise the band.

i think I have figured out that I cannot eat Tuna any more. it hurts going down. So does eggs. So now I understand "band friendly" foods. What a learning curve! But I am so happy to be into the 230's again!! I am feeling great, I am not hungry. I went from a size 24-26 to now a size 20. I hope to get to a size 12-14. I can actually see it now!! Not as far away. My ticker says 79 more lbs!! WOO HOO! Better than 100+.

May 6 2005 242-38lbs 2 months post op

I got my first fill!! Yesterday I had my first fill at 9 weeks post op and it was GREAT! First let me say I was supposed to have it done by Dr. Dobson in Arlington, but his partner, Dr. Peterson filled in for him (no pun intended) at the last minute. My appt was at 3:15pm, we arrived at 3pm. There ended up being 2 other ladies and a gentleman arriving for a fill as well. One lady piped up "Are we all here to get fills?" and all of us said "Yep". Then she asked where we had our surgeries and we all answered "Mexico" lol. it was a funny and strange coincedence!

Anyway, I was called in and I took my boyfriend with me for support (yes I am a chicken). The very nice assistant gave me a gown and told me to just take my top and bra off and meet her in the x-ray room. So I did. When I walked in there was a man in a white coat with dark brown hair standing next to the assistant. He turned, saw me, and said "Hi I am Dr. Peterson, you can just put your clothes anywhere over there.". And so I did, but all the while thinking "What happened to Dr. Dobson?" whom I have never met. So he tells me to go stand with my back up against this machine, and I do. The machine was FREEZiNG on my back. Then I say "Um, what happened to Dr. Dobson?" and the assistant tells me his daughter is getting married so he couldn't be here. Dr. Peterson says "i promise I am pretty good at this" and laughs. So that broke the ice. He turned on the machine and there was my little banddy (haven't named HiM yet). it was great to see it and know it was still there and ok.

They had me swallow a very tiny cup full of liquid. (Less then a cap off of a water bottle). I immediately saw it enter my esophagus (sp) and went right past the band. Then the assistant asks me to lay on the table. So I layed on the table and the doc palpated for my port. it didn't hurt at all, he was very gentle. He then found it and told the assistant where to place the betadine. I was watching the monitor the whole time. Suddenly I see my port as he positions the machine over my belly. it looked great. He gives me a numbing shot. Next I see what looks like a shepards hook, but with a tighter end, in the picture over my port. He has held this metal object over my stomach so that it would show up on the monitor and he positioned this hook exactly over the port in the picture. I think to myself "So that is how they know where to stick the needle!" lol.

He puts the needle in, but I didn't feel it AT ALL. I can hear the doc explaining to the assistant that he is putting in "One....now 1.5...now 2 she should be pretty restricted now." I could feel something strange, not pain, but a weird sensation as the fluid filled around my band. The next thing I know, the assistant says "Ok that's it" and I say "What's it?" and she says "He is done, you are filled". I didn't believe her. From beginning to end it was like maybe a minute.

Then he has me stand up. I thought the needle was still in me because I had seen pictures on OH of another lady where they kept the needle in, had her sit up, swallow the dye, and adjust the band as needed. So I am standing there thinking a needle is underneath the gauze sticking to my stomach and I stand by the xray again. They hand me the little cap of dye and tell me to "Down it like doing shooters" lol. So I do and THiS time, I see it hit my pouch, and nothing comes out the other end for a second or two, then a slow trickle. iT WAS SO COOL! I can say it enough. I don't care what others say, getting a fill under fluro is da bomb! I asked if I could have a picture and the doc said SURE! So I scanned a picture. it didn't come out too good in the scan so I used Paint to highlight the area's.

April 28 2005 245-35lbs 58 days post op

i backslid for a little bit. I gained two pounds and then lost it. I can eat a lot right now. Not as much as before banding, but almost. An example would be today, I ate a chicken thigh and a leg plus about 3 or 4 potato wedges for lunch. Before, when I was still swollen from surgery I guess, I could only eat one piece of chicken. I am so pissed about my fill appointment being rescheduled, but it isn't the Dr.'s office fault. But I am upset more at myself for not getting the appt earlier. I thought I would be one of those people who could do without the fill. Let this be a lesson. GET A FiLL or schedule one right at 6 weeks! if you don't feel you need it, cancel the appointment but GET THE APPOiNTMENT first thing! Now I am suffering because I can eat more, I am discouraged and don't want to exercise. I was walking the track everyday, but it is too discouraging to me to know I can eat so much and my weight loss slowed down. BUt one thing I can say is by now I would have gained everything back. if I had not been banded I would have gained 2 lbs a day.

in the mornings I do have some restriction or maybe don't feel like eating. By lunch time I am hungry though. Well, only another week of this and I get my first fill. I know I know, I shouldn't get too excited. it might not do anything for me, and only "prime" the band. Ugh, well, this is the hardest part. Waiting to get to the sweet spot on the fills. if I can just hold my own until I feel some restriction, I will be ok. And yes, I know, I need to exercise even more since I don't have restriction. I am still riding my bike around the neighborhood.

April 20 2005 245-35lbs 50 days post op

You know what? After I cheated last weekend, I weighed monday morning and actually had lost a 1/2 lb! Weird huh? Then Tues I weighed 246.5 and today (wed) I weighed 245!!! it was one of my mini goals. :)))) I am happy! 35 lbs lost in 7 weeks! Next week on Thur I am going for my first fill. I am a little nervous because of the stories I have heard in the past of 40 pokes and no fill. But I have a friend who was also banded by Dr. Aceves and she used the same fill doctor I am going to use. She told me besides not having a good bedside manner, he was good. So I hope to get an opinion myself next thur and I will post it. Below I have copied and pasted what another member from lapband.com wrote about the different stages of a fill. This person's name is Megan and I really think she has something here:

it's all in the fill, baby.

You aren't filled enough. There are various levels of restriction:

Level 1- I can still eat half of a pizza if I chew slowly and take my time. I can feel the food hit the band then slide right down. That means I can eat more!! Woo Hoo!

Level 2- Still can eat pizza, only 1/4 of one now...and every once and awhile something gets stuck and it hurts! I notice i'm not as hungry in the morning and have to remind myself to eat breakfast.

Level 3- Pizza, who can eat pizza? Food stays in the pouch for just a bit, I notice that it's still not long enough to make me full for several hours. PBing (throwing up stuck food) happens more frequently if i'm not super careful because i'm still hungry after i've eaten the bandster portion, an because it doesn't stay in the pouch, i'm frequently hungry just an hour or so after i've eaten.

Level 4- I can eat a piece of lunchmeat and stay full for several hours. I can feel my pouch now, and know when it is getting full so I stop. I rarely PB, even though I have such good restriction because i'm no longer still hungry after I only eat a few bites. i'm satisfied.

So there you have it. I will be referring to this myself from time to time to see what level I am at.

BTW, I haven't talked much about it but people keep asking me. YES I AM STiLL A NON SMOKER!! Since Feb 6th! That was the last puff I had. I am walking the track one mile 4 days a week and have been doing that for about 2 or 3 weeks (before that Curtis and I were walking in the evenings). it was just TODAY that I noticed my chest didn't hurt and I wasn't as out of breath as the days before. Yeah Me!

April 16 2005 247.5-33lbs 47 days post op

i don't know what happened but suddenly all my will power has left me. it was like one minute I had good restriction (without a fill) and now I can eat. Mostly in the afternoon's and evenings. I guess I have hit that place that post op's hit when the band by itself is not enough. I am almost in my 7th week post op so it didn't last as long as some (i have heard some go 9months without a fill), and then again, I have heard people go in for a fill at 5 weeks. So everyone *iS* different. I made an appointment for a fill on April 28th. I will probably get 1cc. A good banded friend of mine got a fill last week with the same doctor, Dr. Dobson in Arlington. After my visit I will tell you BOTH our opinions of him.

i was reading someone elses profile tonight and she said something that could have come RiGHT out of my mouth. The reason I am not so excited about my weight loss to this point:

"(Before being banded) I normally would have lost no more than 20 -25 pounds before I start plateauing and eventually (give up) and gain the weight back. So i'm anxious... not in a bite my nails way, but I will be glad when i'v elost like 40 pounds (50 for me) becasue then I will have gone way past where I normally do and then I (will) feel really excited. Right now I am happy but it's kind of a "been there done that feeling"... i'm waiting for the real progress to come ... going somehwere i've never been before or having lost more than i've ever lost before"

And see that makes so much sense to me but I couldn't explain it like she did. (Sometimes I have a hard time coming up with the right words for how I feel). BUt that is it!! That is why I am not *AS* excited as maybe I should be. Because when I was on atkins, I had gotten down to 217 from 257. So I guess I won't feel super excited until I get to 216, which might be a ways off.

Today I really cheated. For the first time ever. We went to PK (Possum Kingdom) Lake. I packed chicken for me, and sandwhiches for the boys and Curtis. Everything was fine for the first "lunch" but then I got hungry when we were fixing to come home and we stopped at a gas station. I went and got some beef jerkey and cheese and a gatorade to tide me over. Meanwhile, Curtis sweet talks the cashier into giving him all the leftover tamales (for free I might add! He is one sweet talker) and ends up coming back to the car with a dozen delicious smelling tamales!! I couldn't resist. I had to have one, then two then I quit although I probably could have had more. Then we get home, and approx 2 hrs after I had the last tamales, I heat up and eat 3 more!! UGHHHHH!!i am so disgusted with myself. I am still full, 3 hrs later, and feeling like I don't want to even look at the scales for 3 days!! But I read a post tonight that made me feel better. Another lady was saying she was discouraged because she felt like she could eat anything, and I wrote and said "you reminded me that I *knew* this could happen and would happen and thankfully I am scheduled for a fill". And another poster wrote that "Of course you can eat anything, you don't have restriction yet! Take it easy, enjoy it because you won't be able to later" and I said "YEAH!!" LOL. So I will probably gain back to 250 (ugh it was so hard getting past that number!) but when I get my fill, I will probably go below that since I have to be on liquids for 2 days.

April 10 2005 250-30lbs 41 days post op

Well I guess I haven't updated like I was supposed to on last Wednesday. I have been a little disappointed that I have not lost weight and have actually gained a pound. But I thinking I am close to my period...sooooo. it is weird because I have not changed my eating besides adding more solids. Oh yeah, I am on solids and mushies still. I love cottage cheese, and I started adding chicken to the cottage cheese. I boiled some chicken and took the meat off the bone. Sometimes I also open a can of tuna, put a couple spoons of mayo, and have that for a meal. But I am no longer on soups...even though I must say I am not opposed to drinking soup like I thought I would be. I thought that I wouldn't want to ever see a can of soup again.

So after I eat a cup of meat I am stuffed and I stay full for at least 3 hrs if not more. I think my body is just adjusting to all the weight loss in so little time. I mean 30-31lbs is a lot to lose in so little time. So I am not going to be too disappointed that I have not lost this week. I will be scheduling a fill however because my fill doc (i was told) can sometimes be busy and I might have to wait 3 weeks to get in. if the time comes and I don't think I need it, I will just reschedule. I have a feeling the lbs will start coming off again once my body adjusts. So far I have been really good and I have NOT eaten any foods that I had eaten PRE banding. No ice-cream, burgers, French fries, nothing! I have stuck to my post op diet for the most part and I am now going to be on Atkins.

i lost weight with Atkins in the past and I also FELT better on Atkins. I want to tell those who are reading this, maybe you have not been banded yet and you read the words "Atkins diet" and you think "i don't think the band is for me because if I could diet, why would I need wls?". Well the best I can explain why I am choosing to do atkins is because I know I have a problem with carbs and I have for a long time. Carbs make me hungry 1 hr after eating them. Sugar, bread, starch...all of that makes me SOOO hungry. Now the band helps with that hunger so if I were to eat a cup of rice, I probably would get hungry in 2 hrs instead of 1 but why do that when I can eat some meat and veggies and stay satisfied for 4 hrs or more!? Ok, so this is just me and my philosophy : Even though you get the band you still have to CHOOSE what you put down your throat. The band doesn't differentiate between chocolate and meat. All it knows is one is easier going down then the other and that is all you know too! So if you so decide to eat nothing but chocolate and icecream you are NOT going to lose weight. Therefore you must CHOOSE what to eat. if going on a specific diet helps you do that, then by all means. if just eating smaller portions of meat, veggies, cheese and maybe having a bit of chocolate is your thing, then by all means do that too! You are going to lose slower then those not eating the chocolate, but that is up to you or the individual. Me, well I want to lose this weight as fast as I can (and I don't mean I am impatient and want to lose 10 lbs a week) but I mean I don't want to sabotage my weight loss...i don't want it to be "my fault" that I am not losing.

With that said, I am not drinking the right amounts of water that I should and here is why: I am still having a tough time with my "water schedule". See, if you are banded you will understand this part. You CANNOT DRiNK WiTH YOUR MEALS!! I prefer to not drink anything 30 min before eating and 1 hr to 1 1/2 hrs after eating. So what happens if you are doing this correctly? WEll I get up in the morning and have my bowl of oatmeal or whatever right? Well this means I cannot drink any water until about 8:30 or 9am. Well I get to work at 8:30 and I am so busy I forget to drink my water! I feel I must get in at least 60 oz in a day. So I feel if I drank 24 oz before lunch, I am good. BUT if I forget to drink as much, then before I know it is 11:30 and I have to stop drinking before lunch. Then the cycle hits all over after I eat, I can't drink again until 1:30. if I am doing really well in one day, I get in 24 oz before lunch, and another 24 before dinner and another 12 or even 24 after dinner. On average however I think I have only been getting in 48. Which is definately NOT helping me lose the pounds. So my new goal for next week is to REMEMBER my water. (in the past, before banding, I never had a problem getting my water in so I think it is just the scheduling that is throwing me off).

My next weight loss goal is to lose another 30 lbs by the end of June. I should weigh 220 then and I should be in a size 18 like 3 yrs ago when I weighed that. Speaking of clothes, I had to go to walmart and pick up some cheap size 22 jeans. I had gone to goodwill, but I could only found 20w-which I did buy for the future :). So I have this weird thought. I started in a size 24 but you know what? THEY WERE SO TiGHT and I can't believe I wore my pants that tight but I know why I did. I DiD NOT want to be in a size 26. I would have mentally died inside if I were wearing 26 jeans. I was ok with wearing 26w shirts. So I do think I should have been in 26 pants and now I am in 22's! I measured the other day and I have lost a total of 12.5 inches!!

Chest -2 (49)
Arms -1.5 (17)
Waist -5.5 (45)
Hips -2 (50)
Thigh -1 (31)
wrist -.5 (7.5)

Yahoo!! I love looking at those inches lost!! My rings are lose, I can wear watches again!! I can wipe my butt!! LOL Yes it was hard for me to twist and wipe and now I can wipe and wash with ease!! I can't wait until that waist size reads 32!!

Down 31lbs!! Whoo hooo!! Ok I am excited about that but I came here to update because I had a really bad day. Something went wrong at work and it was my fault and I tell you what, besides my FiRST EVER THOUGHT of wanting a cigarette since I quit, I wanted TO EAT EAT EAT!! I couldn't believe the strong urges I had the minute I couldn't take the stress! I wanted to eat eat and eat some more! Pile on the meat and potatoes!! Give me some bread, cheesecake, etc. But I went and grabbed my fruit jello. And I proceeded to WOLF iT DOWN LiKE A STARViNG DOG...the proceeded to want to die as my band said "HELLO!! I AM STiLL DOWN HERE!!". OK the pain wasn't so bad, it is more like before banding when you eat to fast and have to chase it down with a drink? That is what it feels like. Anyway, I realized today that I really do have some deep down eating issues and I am going to have to get past them some how. I will have to figure it out because I don't want to sabotage myself.

i wanted to do a quick update here. I am not supposed to weigh as much as I have been, I know I know, I am bad. But I weighed yesterday and it said 253.5 and today it said 253 so I know my weight loss is slowing, which was to be expected. But hey, a half a pound a day is great too!! 3 lbs a week. I MiSSED walking on Wednesday night too, and boyfriend and I are only walking 3 days a week. I want to join curves SOO bad but I need to save up the $110 to join. PLUS I need to save up for my first fill. I am going to see Dr. Dobson in Arlington, TX. That is just about an hour and a half drive for me. He costs $250 for fills under fluoro which is what I want. I need him to tell me everything is ok with my band. I have to admit something. I have been reading so much on this board about band slippage, flipped ports, and erosion, that I have worried myself to death over it. Last night Curtis and i.... well we were getting frisky (which by the way, we were able to do 2 weeks after surgery) and well I think we got too frisky and my port area hurt. I immediately thought "OMG, did it flip?". I need to know how it is possible for the port to flip. What causes it? Poor placement in the abdomen? Oh I have to run I am chatting LiVE with Dr. Aceves!!

Sorry I had to run off like that. it was my first time chatting with Dr. Aceves!! He was great, he said "Tracy, don't worry...." and then proceeded to reassure me. Did I tell you I loved Dr. Aceves? He made me feel better right away. it is one thing to hear it from others, but to feel reassured by your surgeon, it just makes you feel better. Us Mexico bandsters sometimes have a hard time because we don't get to see our surgeons on a regular basis. So to actually get to chat with the doctor was FANTASTiC!! Nina told me to stop worrying so much and stop reading so much!! it is hard for me to stop reading these boards because there is such valuable information out there. But I might need to cut down on reading if it is going to make me worry. Ok, let's talk about my band. Today I cheated on my post op diet. (BTW, I am 4 weeks and 4 days post op and still on full liquids and some mushies like cottage cheese, yogurt, and mushed veggies.)

We left the house early on a mission. A town about 30 minutes from here was having a city wide garage sell and we had to get there early!! So needless to say we left without grabbing my soup or jello or anything. So when it came time for lunch, we stopped at sonic. I looked at the menu and the only thing I saw that I could eat was chili pie without the corn chips. So that is what I ordered. I got about a 1/2 cup of chili and cheese. LET ME TELL YOU I WAS iN HEAVEN!! I chewed and chewed and chewed...it was the first time I was eating any real food since before the surgery. I knew I wasn't supposed to have meat or chili yet, but I didn't really feel like I was cheating because it was still a soft food. (denial? LOL). it took me forever to get it all down but it was worth it. And guess what? I stayed full for 4 hrs!!! That is a record since being banded. So I started thinking I will definitely NOT schedule a fill until I am on solids for a while. That makes sense, I mean how can you tell if you are restricted if you are still on mushies? So for dinner just now I had about a cup of mushed cauliflower which is on my post op diet. it tasted pretty good with butter. Reminds me of the days I was on atkins and used to eat mushed cauliflower instead of mashed potatoes. I have been thinking of going back on atkins and seeing how I do when I start back on solids in 2 weeks. I did well on atkins, losing 50lbs in 4 months and keeping it off for 2 years. I didn't lose any more, but that was because of me, not the diet. I stopped exercising-which I believe to be the KEY to weight loss. I even figured out what my target heart rate is for maximum fat burning. it is 140. I am thinking about buying one of those heart rate watches that will beep an alarm while you are exercising if you go below or above your target heart rate. I mean who wants to be working out and wasting time if you aren't burning fat? Catch ya all at my next update! I will add a picture soon for my one month bandiversary!!

Today is Easter Sunday!! My two boys are spending it with their dad so I have a quiet Sunday. I had a dream last night which put things into perspective and knocked me down a notch. I have been reading on these boards people being frustrated with their bands, either their fills not being tight enough, or being too tight. People complaining that they haven't lost weight and why didn't their fills work and I was...well I was getting upset at some of these people for not researching the band or not understanding that it took more than one fill. Well yesterday I realized that as I heal and as I lose weight, the unfilled band I have inside get's looser around my stomach and therefore I am able to eat more. Especially when I am at home on the weekends and don't have anything to occupy my time, I eat more. Yesterday I ate more and could tell I was getting hungry sooner.

i had even commented to another bandster that they need not get frustrated, that perhaps the band would go back to being tight and they just had to be patient. (Yeah, kick me). I realized yesterday that I have lost 25lbs because I have felt restricted either by post surgery swelling or because the band was restricted enough around my fat stomach-but it wouldn't ALWAYS BE THiS WAY. Yesterday was a reminder for me because I could eat more. So last night I had this dream and it really was like a documentary of my life starting last month before banding, to 3 months from now. it showed me now, excited about losing weight, almost gloating. Then it showed me after my first fill, and not feeling restricted. I was upset as I stepped on the scale and it showed I had gained because I could eat like before surgery. And in my dream I realized I had to wait another 6 weeks to get another fill just like so many people out there whose doctors want them to wait. I realized that I could gain all of this 25lbs back in 6 weeks time if I didn't feel any restriction. I woke up feeling sooo terrible about the band until I realized that I really felt terrible about myself.

For those of you reading this, I know you keep reading about the band being a tool. Well it really is. You still have to do your part, as hard as that sounds, yes you still have to watch what you eat. I mean you can have restriction yet still be slurping down chocolate shakes. Of course you can't drink a WHOLE milk shake because you will feel full after 3 or 4 oz but you are still putting 300-500 calories in you that you don't need to be. For the lucky ones who feel restriction after your first fill, please realize how lucky you are!! And I will too if I am one. I won't be getting a fill until April 12th or around there. (i haven't made the appointment yet but that is my 6 weeks bandiversary). I havne't talked to my fill doctor yet. I have only emailed the secretary. I want to ask what type of fill doctor is he? Does he only give .5 cc each time? Or is he one of the great ones that will fill you completely up, have you sip some barium, then remove a little saline at a time until he can see it pass through the pouch? I HOPE he is the second type!! it seems logical to do a fill that way, and not go by numbers of ".5cc at a time". I will ask that question when I call to make an appointment.

i just wanted to say that I am sorry to anyone if I came across as gloating on my weight loss. I certainly did not mean to make anyone feel bad who hasn't lost weight. I no longer think I can't gain some or all of this weight back. I must remember to go back to basics and realize I am still healing during this time and to only worry about weight loss after I get to my "sweet spot".

Ok, so I haven't updated in a few days. A lot has been happening. The main thing is, I forgot to mention a few things in my other updates. So here goes: in my second week post op, I ate a peach Yoplait yogurt, and within 10 min, I got a rash or hives on my lower back. I have never in my life had hives or an allergy to something, so I didn't know what to think. But this rash went away within 20 min. (and just to test myself, I ate another one the next day and nothing happened). Ok, so then a couple days go by, and I start to notice a small spot in the middle of my forehead. And this spot starts to itching, and burning and over the next few days it is like I have been "marked" by hell. This "spot" turns into an area the size of a 50 cent piece and it is red and splotchy and just looks nasty. Thank God I have bangs but still. But the itching starts to spread to my scalp and I start thinking "Do I have lice or what?" and after boyfriend checks a million times, I feel pretty confident that I don't have lice. I mean I was waking up in the middle of the night just to scratch my damn head!! Ok so this brings us to today.

I wake up this morning and look in the mirror and literally draw in a breath at what I see. My eyes have puffed up so bad, I look like "plastic surgery gone wrong". This makes me finally decide to go see the doc. I guess certain things have to happen to an uninsured person before they will actually break down and see the doc. My eyes looking like Joan Rivers on a good day did it to me. So I see the doc, and the doc takes one look and said "Eww you have shingles". Yeah, the doc actually said "Eww". Made me feel real good. (not!) So she tells me that it is too late to take the meds for it because I have been dealing with this for over a week and the meds only work if you catch it within 48-72 hrs. She gives me a prescription for some pain meds, neurotnin (sp) and off I go. Well the prescription was gonna cost me $130 and I simply don't have it. So I am back on liquid Tylenol for pain. But let me tell you what shingles are because I didn't have a clue. Basically if you had chickenpox when you were young, you will always carry the virus in your system until the day you die. in some people, when their immune systems are compromised, or they are under a lot of stress, this virus comes back out and "shows' it's bad self" as SHiNGLES. it sorta looks like chicken pox but it doesn't spread like chicken pox. You can get it in a small area on your body, or it may spread in a line (follows nerve endings).

For me, it started with this small spot on my forehead, but it is traveling under my skin, effecting my nerve endings under my scalp and my eyes. So THAT is why my scalp was/is so itchy. My nerve endings are being invaded! So Why did this happen? I am thinking the surgery brought my immune system down, or maybe it was the stress, or maybe both? So this is to those newbies out there. if you start to get a small rash, and it itches and you don't know what it is. GO TO THE DOCTOR!! The rash can occur anywhere on the body. if you get to the doc soon enough, they can give you some medicine to get rid of the shingles and you wont have to suffer like I am right now. The bad news is , some people take weeks to get rid of shingles and even after the shingles are gone, you can still experience excruciating pain in the nerve endings!! I hope I get over my shingles soon!!

Ok, but on to my WEiGHT LOSS !! 23 lbs in 22 days!! WOO HOO! HUh? Huh? WOO HOO? Oh yeah!! LOL Pretty good. I am feeling pretty confident now about keeping it off. I hope I am not being too confident. I know as I heel, and as I lose more weight, I am going to have to need a fill but I will tell you what. Right now I feel as if I am already restricted. I can drink one cup of cream of chicken soup, and I am satisfied. Not full, satisfied. I am getting used to that feeling. I wait about 20 min after I eat before I eat more. Like if I think I want some Jell-O with light whip cream (which is the bomb, by the way). I will wait. Because I heard from someone that it takes 20 min for your brain to catch up with your stomach and let you know you are satisfied or full. I don't know if that is true or not, but it makes sense to me. So besides the shingles, I am doing great. Curtis and I are walking 3 X a week. I am waiting until my 6th week post op to join Curves so I can work out more. Well, until next weigh in day, ta ta for now!!

Ok, I can't believe this, but my period started 2 weeks early!! OK, so I can believe it, surgery does that. it changes your whole body sometimes. But man I didn't need the extra pain in the belly if you know what I mean! Today I forgot to drink my protein shake at 3 and I could definitely tell when I got home that I had no energy. But Curtis and I had started this walking program 3 days a week and once I started walking, I felt better and I could tell I was a little lighter on my feet. I think I am just now getting back to feeling like myself again. I think I am slower then most. Reading the message boards and there are people who had their surgery after me and they are like "Yeah, I went to work after 5 days and I am just so full of energy!". I feel like what the heck is wrong with me? But I know everyone is different. Well, I need to update my weight chart that I made in Excel. I am keeping the weight chart and measurements so I can see my progress.

March 16 2005 262-18lbs 15 days post op

WOOOO HOOO!! Down 18lbs already and only 15 days post op!! I know I am too excited right? Well, I keep trying to tell myself that I might gain some of this back when I start eating solids but it is really hard NOT to get excited over watching the scales "go south"! I am not hungry, I am eating and feeling satisfied. Here is what my eating looks like now that I have started work:

B- 1 Cup CiB OR 1 Cup unjury
(if I feel like it, one small yogurt cup)
L- 1 Cup broth, 1 Cup Jello
3pm snack- 1 CiB (gotta get my protein in!)
D- 1 Cup broth, 1/2 Cup yogurt w/fruit

Snack before bedtime only if I feel like it - Jello or fruit

During the day I am still trying to get at least 50oz water (hard hard hard to do!!) and 20 oz gatorade (hydration,electrolytes, etc). Some days it is easier to get the water in then others. Eventually I will work up to 64oz.

i have also been feeling like I need to get a multivitamin since I know I am not getting my vitamins through food. Now they have a liquid Centrum at walmart but I am not too sure about that. They also have chewable for adults which sounds better tasting for some reason.

Work has bee fine, even though I am still having a hard time bending and reaching up. I don't try to lift at all. But if I drop my pen on the floor, it is hillarious watching me try to get it. I spread my feet really far apart, and bend at the waist straight over to get it. if I try bending my knees to get it, it feels like I am scrunching my port or probably more so my incisions. Thank God no one is around when I am picking up things lol.

Well, I am gonna end this for now. I am excited about the weight loss, and I think some of my clothes are slightly loose on me. I know my pants (24) fit me better. it will probably take another 20 lbs to change into size 22's or maybe 20-22's.

Well today made my 2 week anniversary since being banded! I won't weigh again until tomorrow. I have made Wednesday's my weigh days. I have been back to work 2 days now. Yesterday was ok, today I got a little tired. My eating pattern has changed from above too. I am eating less, but trying to get in as much calories because I don't want to stall out. Today I went and talked with the lady at Curves . I haven't joined yet because they require $111 up front. A break down is half off the one time fee of $149 plus first months payment of $29.95 PLUS tax. Really $29.95 isn't much per month to get healthy. I believe these prices are nationwide but individual stores have the right to change promotional half off stuff.

Anyway, I will write more tomorrow with my weigh in and also talk more about what I am eating now I am at work. Oh, pain is barely there but I still feel a little "stiff" in the belly area and I am still avoiding bending too much. I am also very aware of anyone walking close by and maybe I am treating my belly a little too tenderly. I just realized that I AM ONLY 2 WEEKS post op and no wonder I am still tender. I swear I don't know how those people go back to work after only a day or two!! I guess I am just a light weight.

Well, yesterday I got so fed up with being tired that I added carnation instant breakfast to my diet. I am really three days early with that but I had to do something about protein!! I didn't have any isopure or anything else to get the protein in and I could tell I was really being dragged down. No sooner did I drink the CiB that I felt much much better. Well, it was about an hour and a half later that I could tell the difference. The CiB also kept me full for about 4 hours!

i was tallying up my caloric intake and boy was I surprised!! Up until yesterday, this was what my calories looked like:

3 Cups of broth -45 Calories 4 grams of protein
3 Cups of Gatorade -150 Calories 0 protein
3 Cups of Jello -0 Calories 0 protein
2 S/f popsicles -0 calories 0 protein
32-50 oz water

TOTAL OF ONLY 195 CALORiES a day!! And barely 4 grams of protein!! No wonder I was losing and feeling icky!! I couldn't drink juice as per my surgeon's orders because it was causing my diarrhea. But it was no wonder I was losing so fast!!

in adding in 3 CiB's, my caloric intake goes up to 795 and that is fine for me right now. The CiB's really make me feel full for longer periods of time and they add another 36 grams of protein to my daily need of 85. Did I write in here the formula for figuring out just how much protein you need? Well if so, here it is again "ideal weight" divided by 2.2, Multiply answer by 1.25 to get what your daily protein intake should be . Protein is very very important to help you lose weight, but also to keep your hair from falling out and to keep you from getting weak.

So I have felt much better today by adding the CiBs in. I have had more energy, and I have felt full longer. Basically this is what I do:

Breakfast
1 Cup hot tea
1 Cup Broth

Snack
CiB

Lunch
1 Cup Broth
1 Cup Jello

Snack CiB

Dinner
1 Cup Broth
1 Cup Jello

Snack
CiB

Of course in between breakfast and lunch is when I try to drink most of my water intake. Dr. A's instructions only say 34 oz at this point. But I am trying for more.

Yep that's right, I am down 14lbs! I have been reading the message boards that some people say you might gain some or all of your liquid diet pound loss back when you start on mushies. I sure hope not but I will prepare myself for that. I mean it makes sense. Right now I think I am only getting in 600 calories or less. I think that is why Dr. Aceves is so strict with his post op diet. Most people are only on liquids for 2 weeks, and then 2 weeks of mushies. According to my Post-operative instruction sheet, I will be on clear liquids only until 14 days post op, then I can add yogurt and fruit but still on mostly clear liquids. (i think I will ad CiB-carnation instant breakfast). At 21 days post op I can oatmeal and cream soups. Then finally at 28 days post op I can add one egg to my daily intake. So it is not until 35 days post op or going into my 6th week that I can add vegetables like zuchini, carrots, cauliflower, and broccoli and "pasta soup" which I take it to mean chicken noodle soup or minestroni (sp). I cannot add real food until 42 days post op or 7 weeks. Pretty strict eh?

But I will follow it to the best of my abilities, adding in that if I can have yogurt in the third week, I should also be able to add pudding. I think I will try and keep the calories down to 1000 a day which I don't think will be hard. Right now I get full on 1 cup of broth & 1 cup of tea. I know this will probably change as I heal. Oh, I was going to schedule to get a fill after 5 weeks post op but since I will still be on this post op diet, I am going to wait until the 7th week when I start real food. That is when I will be able to tell if I need a fill or not.

So right now honestly, I am sooooo tired of the liquids! Even though I am getting full or satisfied, I crave my favorite foods like chicken, rice, and peanut butter. Funny, I do not crave bad stuff like ice cream or snickers bars. NOT AT ALL. But I crave real food of any kind! This will probably be the hardest 8 weeks I have ever had to go through but I think as I get into week 4 it will get better.

Ok I am 9 days post op and even though I said I was not going to weigh so soon, curiosity got the better of me and I weighed this AM. I am down 8lbs! . Ok, I know <big> OF COURSE </big> I am going to lose weight on a all clear liquid diet. But it did feel good none the less to see the scales go down instead of up!

i am getting tired of the broths but to make it better, I went and bought 2 cases of Top Ramen noodles in all different flavors. I tear open the package, save the noodles for my sister in law, and use only the seasoning packet. Each seasoning packet makes 2 cups of broth. Basically I am saving ton's of money because a can of broth costs around.89 cents around here and is also about 2 cups. A packet of Top Ramen costs .10-.15 cents. Do da math! :) (i am always one for saving money). But mostly it is great because you get all the different flavors (oriental, shrimp, chicken, beef, pork, etc) which helps at this stage in the post op diet.

i put in an email to Nina about portions because the "Post op Nutritional instruction" sheet is too confusing for me. I hope she write me back today. Basically I started out drinking 1 cup of broth every 2 hrs. in between I am drinking sips of water & Gatorade. (oh and tea!). Here is where I made the mistake of not stocking up on the isopure (protein drink you can have at this stage) and I live in a small town that doesn't have a GNC. But Nina said I would be ok until the 15 when I can add CiB (Carnation instant Breakfast) 3 times a day.

From what I have learned, I am supposed to have 65-80 grams of protein a day to keep me healthy and hopefully stop anything like hair falling out or fatigue from setting in. Obviously I am not getting that right now with no protein drinks and the top ramen packets I think are only 2 grams per cup. I will update when Nina let's me know how much of what I should be drinking!

Jan 16 2005 I am 34 years old as I write this. I weigh 277 as of today. I was overweight as a child and was unhappy. When I got into high school, I lost weight and was thin for most of the 4 years. When I was 19, I joined the Navy. I was very physically fit during that time and even taught the base's aerobics classes. Then I got pregnant and everything I had learned, all the self discipline I had, went out the window. I "ate for my child" and was 75lbs heavier by the time I had him. 2 years later, and still at the same weight, I had my second child and gained even more. I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism after my second child. I have been overweight ever since, and that was 13 years ago. I have tried every diet under the sun, from medically supervised shake diets, herbalife, slim fast, atkins, you name it, I tried it. I would lose, and gain it back. I am sure it is the same for most obese people out there. The most success I had was on atkins.i maintained my weight loss for 2 years until a new doctor messed with my thyroid medicine and before I knew it, I was gaining like crazy. Still on atkins, I spiraled back up to my highest weight. I changed doctors, but by then I had given up. That was 3 years ago and I have been researching Lapband surgery ever since. I hope to have Surgery with Dr. Aceves in March this year (05). Wish me luck!

Click here to read my thoughts the days before surgery and the week after surgery at my Mexico Experience page. Then you can come back here to read "The rest of the story" .


		Journal